www.sandraevertson.com
10 years ago
Posted by
Victoria
comments (1)
My daughter is growing up at a rapid pace. I see the changes in her almost daily and it is scary sometimes when I think of all I am responsible to teach her and I have so little time to accomplish it all. Now that she is in third grade I feel the challenges are becoming more frequent. Friends become more influential, peer pressure starts to creep in and the exposure to worldly viewpoints and values begin to invade her, so-far, sheltered exsistence. I have had more challenges and situations to explain in the last few months, than any other time before in her life. I knew it would get hard, I was just unprepared for how quickly and how young it would happen.
One of the challenges I have had lately came in the unexpected form of a school project. The assignment of a Family Tree and history project. Researching your roots, interviewing a family member, making a family tree. It sounds easy on the surface, no big deal really, an easy assignment for most, but I was stressed. Stressed, because when family is messy, it is confusing to an eight year old and to be honest, it is confusing to a thirty-eight year old, and because we chose to shelter her from the confusion early on, the family dynamics became somewhat of a vague mystery. This project made my heart pound and my head hurt. How was I going to explain that some people who she had been raised to believe were her family really weren't? and how was I going to explain who the people she never knew exsisted really were? I decided to put off the family tree part of the project until the last minute, she worked on the interviewing of her Nana, which was fun. She worked on picking out her cute scrapbooking papers and poured over my colored pens to write her findings with, which was fun. She never said a word about the family tree until...
"Mommy, who should I ask about the family tree, you or Daddy?" The time had come. My family is easy, I am an only child, I have parents who are still together after 40+ years and all my Grandparents had passed before my children were born, no problem. My husband's family is harder, he has family members he doesn't see or visit, people that he is reluctant to talk about or share stories about, there is divorce, and step-parents, and step-siblings. There are people who aren't actually related in any way, but who we love and enjoy and who my girls believe are family, and cousins, and Aunts, and Uncles. There are people they know only by name or photo that are key members of the family tree, but who have never been discussed or explained other than by name. I went to bed that night praying for God's wisdom on how to delicately explain, on an eight year old level, family.
God's word tells us that if we ask for wisdom, it will be given, and somehow God came through. I decided that everyone should know their roots, even an eight year old, and that it wasn't fair to her to not know exactly who is who. Family isn't always about blood, it is about the people who care for you, the people who love you, the people who build you up and support you and make you feel good about yourself. It is the people you spend time with, who watch you grow. The family legacy doesn't have to come only from your blood relatives, the family legacy that is passed down, comes from love. God laid on my heart to be open and honest, to explain and answer any questions she may have, to be truthful. The family tree project turned out to be the best thing we have done. I found that she had been wondering for a while about certain people and that she was very confused about how everyone fit together. I found that our sheltering her from the confusion had just caused more confusion, and that she was afraid to ask about it because she sensed that it was a touchy subject, but she really wanted to know. I found that through sharing stories and forcing ourselves, both my husband and I, to focus on positive things and funny moments and to relive positive experiences instead of negative, that we replaced anger and hurt with laughter and joy. I also found that the children at school had been talking about theirs and she had questions about their family situations as well and wanted to know what that meant for them. It has opened up opportunities for prayer, not only for our own family issues, but for her friends and schoolmates too. It is amazing to me how God uses something as simple as homework to show me what I need to be doing as a parent. God saying to me that it was time for my children to know where they come from, the good, the bad, the ugly, the messy. It was a weight lifted for both Jason and I, sometimes I don't know if God gave me my children for me to teach them or if he allowed me to have them so that they could teach me. Either way, I am blessed beyond measure and thankful for all those we call family.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:7
One of the challenges I have had lately came in the unexpected form of a school project. The assignment of a Family Tree and history project. Researching your roots, interviewing a family member, making a family tree. It sounds easy on the surface, no big deal really, an easy assignment for most, but I was stressed. Stressed, because when family is messy, it is confusing to an eight year old and to be honest, it is confusing to a thirty-eight year old, and because we chose to shelter her from the confusion early on, the family dynamics became somewhat of a vague mystery. This project made my heart pound and my head hurt. How was I going to explain that some people who she had been raised to believe were her family really weren't? and how was I going to explain who the people she never knew exsisted really were? I decided to put off the family tree part of the project until the last minute, she worked on the interviewing of her Nana, which was fun. She worked on picking out her cute scrapbooking papers and poured over my colored pens to write her findings with, which was fun. She never said a word about the family tree until...
"Mommy, who should I ask about the family tree, you or Daddy?" The time had come. My family is easy, I am an only child, I have parents who are still together after 40+ years and all my Grandparents had passed before my children were born, no problem. My husband's family is harder, he has family members he doesn't see or visit, people that he is reluctant to talk about or share stories about, there is divorce, and step-parents, and step-siblings. There are people who aren't actually related in any way, but who we love and enjoy and who my girls believe are family, and cousins, and Aunts, and Uncles. There are people they know only by name or photo that are key members of the family tree, but who have never been discussed or explained other than by name. I went to bed that night praying for God's wisdom on how to delicately explain, on an eight year old level, family.
God's word tells us that if we ask for wisdom, it will be given, and somehow God came through. I decided that everyone should know their roots, even an eight year old, and that it wasn't fair to her to not know exactly who is who. Family isn't always about blood, it is about the people who care for you, the people who love you, the people who build you up and support you and make you feel good about yourself. It is the people you spend time with, who watch you grow. The family legacy doesn't have to come only from your blood relatives, the family legacy that is passed down, comes from love. God laid on my heart to be open and honest, to explain and answer any questions she may have, to be truthful. The family tree project turned out to be the best thing we have done. I found that she had been wondering for a while about certain people and that she was very confused about how everyone fit together. I found that our sheltering her from the confusion had just caused more confusion, and that she was afraid to ask about it because she sensed that it was a touchy subject, but she really wanted to know. I found that through sharing stories and forcing ourselves, both my husband and I, to focus on positive things and funny moments and to relive positive experiences instead of negative, that we replaced anger and hurt with laughter and joy. I also found that the children at school had been talking about theirs and she had questions about their family situations as well and wanted to know what that meant for them. It has opened up opportunities for prayer, not only for our own family issues, but for her friends and schoolmates too. It is amazing to me how God uses something as simple as homework to show me what I need to be doing as a parent. God saying to me that it was time for my children to know where they come from, the good, the bad, the ugly, the messy. It was a weight lifted for both Jason and I, sometimes I don't know if God gave me my children for me to teach them or if he allowed me to have them so that they could teach me. Either way, I am blessed beyond measure and thankful for all those we call family.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:7
