www.sandraevertson.com
10 years ago
Posted by
Victoria
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Wow, I just looked and I have not blogged since last July. When I started blogging it was to keep up with little funny stories and document things about our day to day life, or funny things my children said and did so that I would remember those sweet moments. It was a journal of sorts, no one seemed to know it was there, and no one cared. I have the security settings set so high that no one could just find it very easily. I kept it mostly to myself and it was fun, but somewhere along the way, it became tied into Facebook. All of a sudden people began to tell me they had read it, and talk about posts and things I wrote. My family and friends began to seek it out, and want to keep up with what I was writing. I was o.k. with that, but it left me feeling a little uneasy because it no longer felt personal. I felt pressure to make it worth reading, and all of a sudden I had to be careful and think about what I wrote, and who may be seeing it, and how they may feel about what I have to say. I am already careful about social media. I try to avoid confrontational posts, over-sharing, and potentially hurt feelings. It was just all too much to deal with so I let the blog go.
Time has passed and I found that I have missed it. I like to write things down. I am much better on paper than in person. I like to encourage, I like to journal, so with a new year, comes new thoughts and goals, and one of them is to get back blogging. I want to get back to finding the extraordinary moments in my days, and I want to start writing it down again so I can remember it and share it later with my girls. I want to share what God has done and how he works in my life and the life of my family. I want to love Him and make Him known in whatever ways I have available to me, and hopefully through it all, I can encourage and bring a smile to someone else.. because lets face it, we all need to laugh and be reminded that we are not alone. There are so many blessings to found, even in the midst of our mundane :)
Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established- Proverbs 16:3
Time has passed and I found that I have missed it. I like to write things down. I am much better on paper than in person. I like to encourage, I like to journal, so with a new year, comes new thoughts and goals, and one of them is to get back blogging. I want to get back to finding the extraordinary moments in my days, and I want to start writing it down again so I can remember it and share it later with my girls. I want to share what God has done and how he works in my life and the life of my family. I want to love Him and make Him known in whatever ways I have available to me, and hopefully through it all, I can encourage and bring a smile to someone else.. because lets face it, we all need to laugh and be reminded that we are not alone. There are so many blessings to found, even in the midst of our mundane :)
Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established- Proverbs 16:3
Posted by
Victoria
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I have seen a couple of people on Facebook doing a week of thankfulness. I spend time each day in prayer thanking God for so many things, but I normally only write thankful posts around Thanksgiving. This week has been a nice reminder that thankfulness comes all year and should be shared sometimes. I have enjoyed reading what people are thankful for and what they count as blessings in their lives. Some are things that I can relate to and some are things I may not even think about, but reading them reminds me not to overlook the joys that surround me everyday, no matter how small. I am reading the play "Our Town" for a literature class and one theme of the play is that you shouldn't take things for granted. Pay attention to the details because you can't get those moments back once they are gone. I spent the past week with my family on the Outer Banks of NC and these things made me think about what I was thankful for while there and helped me to focus more on the little moments that were here and gone in a flash. I decided to share them here so that I can remember and to maybe inspire someone else to think about what moments they are most thankful for day to day.
Things I was thankful for on vacation...
1. I am thankful for the opportunity to go on vacation every year. Jason works hard all year and vacation is our little break from the world, to rest, regroup, and show our children that there is life outside of our small town. There is a whole world out there and I want them to experience it. Some people save their money for electronics, shoes, clothes, or technology, we save ours for travel, and I am thankful for every minute I have spent doing it.
2. I am thankful for my little family and for the time I spend with them. They are my favorite people to hang out with, and my favorite people to experience life with and I thank God for each of them.
3. I am thankful for my parents who graciously offer pet sitting services, house cleaning, and even donate funds to spoil their Grandchildren (and their children) and allow us to do more than we could ever do on our own. My Dad spent the whole week at our house, mowing, walking and feeding dogs, and tending the garden so we could have a stress free time away.
4. I am thankful for my husband who makes sure we are spoiled while away. He spent his vacation in a place he didn't choose ( the beach) doing activities he didn't pick ( antique shopping, swimming in the ocean, carrying seashells, flying butterfly kites,etc.), and bought us souvenirs while he went without, all because he wants to make us happy. He never once complains even though I know that the beach and the crowds, the sun, and the sand, are all things he could do without, but he just wanted to spend time with us and see us smile.
5. I am thankful for two children who are easy to please, who never want more than what is offered, who never complain about what they can't do, but focus and enjoy the things they can. Nighttime walks on the beach, flying kites on a sand dune, swimming in a hotel pool, eating ice cream and picking up seashells, chasing crabs on the sand and throwing a beach ball into the wind. Vacation doesn't have to be about how many activities you can cram in or how much money you spend, it is about enjoying the little things and just being together. I am thankful my children understand that.
6. I am thankful for our health to be able to enjoy the time away. So many people right now seem to struggle with illness and pain and sickness. I am so very thankful that God has allowed us to remain healthy and that we were all without illness on our trip.
Moments I enjoyed on this trip...
Early morning walks with Emma on the beach collecting rocks and shells. Lydia holding my hand when we walked and squirting water guns with her in the pool. Sitting on the balcony with Jason while we waited on the girls to go to sleep, just watching the ocean and talking. Climbing the lighthouse with the girls just to see the view. Laughing at Lydia covered in sand. Building sand castles and watching them get washed away. picnicking on the beach, the balcony, the lighthouse grounds, and anywhere else we could find to spread out a lunch. Listening to bedtime prayers of thankfulness for being at the beach, for having family, and having fun. Duck Donut runs. Watching my husband digging a "ginormous" hole in the sand just because Emma wanted to. Laughing at Emma chasing crabs across the sand, Lydia counting seagulls and pelicans, and Jason throwing the girls across the pool, having water fights, and catching them as they jumped off the side over, and over and over again.
What did I do on my Summer vacation? Spent quality time with my family making sweet memories... and for that I am truly thankful.
Things I was thankful for on vacation...
1. I am thankful for the opportunity to go on vacation every year. Jason works hard all year and vacation is our little break from the world, to rest, regroup, and show our children that there is life outside of our small town. There is a whole world out there and I want them to experience it. Some people save their money for electronics, shoes, clothes, or technology, we save ours for travel, and I am thankful for every minute I have spent doing it.
2. I am thankful for my little family and for the time I spend with them. They are my favorite people to hang out with, and my favorite people to experience life with and I thank God for each of them.
3. I am thankful for my parents who graciously offer pet sitting services, house cleaning, and even donate funds to spoil their Grandchildren (and their children) and allow us to do more than we could ever do on our own. My Dad spent the whole week at our house, mowing, walking and feeding dogs, and tending the garden so we could have a stress free time away.
4. I am thankful for my husband who makes sure we are spoiled while away. He spent his vacation in a place he didn't choose ( the beach) doing activities he didn't pick ( antique shopping, swimming in the ocean, carrying seashells, flying butterfly kites,etc.), and bought us souvenirs while he went without, all because he wants to make us happy. He never once complains even though I know that the beach and the crowds, the sun, and the sand, are all things he could do without, but he just wanted to spend time with us and see us smile.
5. I am thankful for two children who are easy to please, who never want more than what is offered, who never complain about what they can't do, but focus and enjoy the things they can. Nighttime walks on the beach, flying kites on a sand dune, swimming in a hotel pool, eating ice cream and picking up seashells, chasing crabs on the sand and throwing a beach ball into the wind. Vacation doesn't have to be about how many activities you can cram in or how much money you spend, it is about enjoying the little things and just being together. I am thankful my children understand that.
6. I am thankful for our health to be able to enjoy the time away. So many people right now seem to struggle with illness and pain and sickness. I am so very thankful that God has allowed us to remain healthy and that we were all without illness on our trip.
Moments I enjoyed on this trip...
Early morning walks with Emma on the beach collecting rocks and shells. Lydia holding my hand when we walked and squirting water guns with her in the pool. Sitting on the balcony with Jason while we waited on the girls to go to sleep, just watching the ocean and talking. Climbing the lighthouse with the girls just to see the view. Laughing at Lydia covered in sand. Building sand castles and watching them get washed away. picnicking on the beach, the balcony, the lighthouse grounds, and anywhere else we could find to spread out a lunch. Listening to bedtime prayers of thankfulness for being at the beach, for having family, and having fun. Duck Donut runs. Watching my husband digging a "ginormous" hole in the sand just because Emma wanted to. Laughing at Emma chasing crabs across the sand, Lydia counting seagulls and pelicans, and Jason throwing the girls across the pool, having water fights, and catching them as they jumped off the side over, and over and over again.
What did I do on my Summer vacation? Spent quality time with my family making sweet memories... and for that I am truly thankful.
Posted by
Victoria
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I am sitting here surrounded by Christmas decorations, boxes, open toys, bits of left over wrapping paper... the Advent log is stretched out across the floor with the stubs of burnt candles and the smell of wax... the Christmas tree is bare, waiting to go to the forest to become a home for bugs and birds. I cannot believe that another year has come and gone. Life moves so quickly these days. Children growing, time passing. Last year I memorized my first complete book of scripture.. the book of James. ( it was life changing and I plan to memorize another book this year- I highly recommend it!) I quote it back to God about once every two weeks in order to lock it in my heart and hold it in my 40 year old mind, that is full of so much, I have to sort through the random in order to remember the important. Today I quoted it in the car on my way to the gym and when I got to the verse that says " What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" I paused and thought how true that verse really is, we are nothing but mist, a breath, our time here is so short compared to eternity. What have I accomplished with this blink of a year? What have I failed at in this blink of a year? I sometimes think my failures outweigh my accomplishments, but I am thankful that I serve a big God, a merciful God, whose mercies are new every morning.. and every new year.
2013 was a good year for our family. Our children were healthy, our marriage was strong, we had more ups than downs and for that I praise God! Did I accomplish everything I set out to do? no.. I failed at so many things, I am still overweight, I am still a procrastinator, I still have days where I question myself as a wife... as a Mother. I have been thinking a lot about what my goals should be for this coming year.
I have a lot of friends that do word studies for the New Year. They pick a word and they make it their motivation, their mantra, their focus for the days ahead. I am not good at that. I have thought and thought of word after word, but nothing just jumped out at me or screamed focus. My mind is full of words, I have books of words stored up there, but how can I pick just one that encompasses all I need to change?
I want 2014 to be a year of spiritual change for me, the year that I make myself be who God wants me to be. I really believe we are living in the last days. I think they are here and the more I read the news, the more I watch the cultural changes taking place and the more I experience in my own life, the more I believe we have arrived... I read this verse the other day "You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!" 2 Timothy 3:1-5 and it really hit home for me, how much of this describes our world? How much of this describes me? "They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.." That sentence speaks volumes to me about where our culture is right now. How many people do I know who claim to be Christian, but who don't really live it, and this includes me a lot of the time. How watered down our faith has become, how watered down our belief, how weak our testimony. The people of the Bible lived big, they were all in, they gave up everything in order to follow God. People throughout history up until just a couple of generations ago, took spiritual things so much more seriously than we do today. People in other parts of the world right now are jailed, tortured, killed, shunned, exiled.. just for claiming Christ, but yet they do it anyway. Would I live like that? Am I all in? How much do I water down my faith? Do I reject the power and not even realize it? How much do I look like the world versus how much I look like Christ? These are the things I am pondering as I head into this New Years Eve night, the start of a new year that will be here and gone in a flash just like this one. What do I need to change within myself to become more separated from the world and more separated from this culture in order to adhere myself to Christ? I have a two little girls growing up in this world who need to know what we believe about God and the Bible, who need to know what it looks like to belong to God and not to this world. Two people I am responsible to shape and teach and grow. I am responsible to model godliness to them and for them. The way they view God later, may depend on how I am viewing Him right now. What are the goals I need to set for 2014, realistically, because my goal to lose weight, my goal to travel, my goal to be organized or crafty or read more books, will be absolutely pointless if I miss the real goal.. the goal to be more like Christ, the goal to be less like the world, the goal to embrace the power that will make me godly... I have to be all in..
(to be continued... New Years Day)
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17
2013 was a good year for our family. Our children were healthy, our marriage was strong, we had more ups than downs and for that I praise God! Did I accomplish everything I set out to do? no.. I failed at so many things, I am still overweight, I am still a procrastinator, I still have days where I question myself as a wife... as a Mother. I have been thinking a lot about what my goals should be for this coming year.
I have a lot of friends that do word studies for the New Year. They pick a word and they make it their motivation, their mantra, their focus for the days ahead. I am not good at that. I have thought and thought of word after word, but nothing just jumped out at me or screamed focus. My mind is full of words, I have books of words stored up there, but how can I pick just one that encompasses all I need to change?
I want 2014 to be a year of spiritual change for me, the year that I make myself be who God wants me to be. I really believe we are living in the last days. I think they are here and the more I read the news, the more I watch the cultural changes taking place and the more I experience in my own life, the more I believe we have arrived... I read this verse the other day "You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!" 2 Timothy 3:1-5 and it really hit home for me, how much of this describes our world? How much of this describes me? "They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.." That sentence speaks volumes to me about where our culture is right now. How many people do I know who claim to be Christian, but who don't really live it, and this includes me a lot of the time. How watered down our faith has become, how watered down our belief, how weak our testimony. The people of the Bible lived big, they were all in, they gave up everything in order to follow God. People throughout history up until just a couple of generations ago, took spiritual things so much more seriously than we do today. People in other parts of the world right now are jailed, tortured, killed, shunned, exiled.. just for claiming Christ, but yet they do it anyway. Would I live like that? Am I all in? How much do I water down my faith? Do I reject the power and not even realize it? How much do I look like the world versus how much I look like Christ? These are the things I am pondering as I head into this New Years Eve night, the start of a new year that will be here and gone in a flash just like this one. What do I need to change within myself to become more separated from the world and more separated from this culture in order to adhere myself to Christ? I have a two little girls growing up in this world who need to know what we believe about God and the Bible, who need to know what it looks like to belong to God and not to this world. Two people I am responsible to shape and teach and grow. I am responsible to model godliness to them and for them. The way they view God later, may depend on how I am viewing Him right now. What are the goals I need to set for 2014, realistically, because my goal to lose weight, my goal to travel, my goal to be organized or crafty or read more books, will be absolutely pointless if I miss the real goal.. the goal to be more like Christ, the goal to be less like the world, the goal to embrace the power that will make me godly... I have to be all in..
(to be continued... New Years Day)
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17
Posted by
Victoria
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Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and now the countdown to Christmas begins. I can't believe how fast this year has passed, it is like I blinked and the year was gone. I am always amazed by how quickly time flies when I am wrapped up in children activities, school events, holidays, birthdays, travel days, etc. After the children were born the clock seemed to speed up, it is like I never had anything to measure time with before, and now I have two walking reminders of how quickly our lives are passing. I measured Lydia on her door frame a couple of weeks ago (because that is our tradition on birthdays) and was amazed to see that she had grown over 2 inches just this past year. You couldn't really see the growth day to day, but there it was staring back at me from the door frame. I still think of her as small and "the baby" of the family, but she isn't a baby anymore and she isn't small. I looked around the table at Thanksgiving dinner and saw my husband's cousin who I remember as an infant and now she is a grown, military, working, independent woman. I see the new baby cousins that are just infants and as I held one of them, all of a sudden I realized how far removed from that baby stage that I have become, for years we had the only little children, the only babies, and now a new generation is beginning. As I carried that baby around, I thought about the fact that it has been 5 years since I changed my own child's diapers, 6 years since I had to make my own child a bottle or rocked them to sleep. I don't carry them in my arms hardly at all anymore. I no longer have to pack a bag or plan a schedule for the holiday meals and travel. We just hop in the car, strap on the seat belts, head out. No worrying about sleep schedules or formula or whether we remembered the burp clothes, bottles, change of clothes. It was a bittersweet thought, because while I sometimes miss that stage and I am sad that it went by so quickly and sometimes we are so caught up in it that we don't always appreciate how short it really is, I am also thankful for the stage we are in now. I love this independent, growing up, enjoying friends and movies, sleepovers and activities stage. Each stage is a gift, and they all have precious things to enjoy.
This Thanksgiving I watched my girls make the food selections for our Thanksgiving meal. I watched them stand at the counter peeling vegetables, arranging fruit, setting the table, and serving the drinks. I am in awe of how quickly they are growing up and changing. One of our family members, who don't get to see them very much, asked me who they got their personalities from, especially Emma, because she didn't seem to have much of my husband's families personality. I kind of joked about it and laughed it off, because I couldn't really tell if she was being serious or if it was supposed to be a compliment or not, but later when I thought about it, I realized that Emma has really changed a lot in the last year, she has grown up a lot and she tries to act more like an adult and copy the adults she sees. She no longer really plays or runs around the table sitting on laps and giving hugs, she is more reserved and plays with her Kindle and babysits the babies. She talks about school and shopping and rolls her eyes when we pick at her and embarrass her. They don't act the same around my husband's family as they do at home, they are overwhelmed I believe, by how many people are there and the fact that some of them they only see once in a while, so they are more reserved and quiet, but the question about their personalities got me to thinking and yes, Emma does get hers from me, she talks like me, and thinks like me, she is artsy and a book worm, like me. She can be sarcastic and mouthy...like me. Jason says it is like having 2 of me at different ages and he always says she is a little copy of me, so yes, she is probably much more me in personality than my husbands family. Lydia on the other hand, is her Daddy made over. She is funny and technical like him, she is active and can't be still, like him. She is always thinking and inventing and taking things apart to analyze them, like him. She is also stubborn and strong willed and quick tempered.....like him. They each have a part of us in them and as the years pass and they continue to grow, I am reminded even more how short our time with them is, and how little time we really have to teach them, shape their character, grow their hearts and influence their lives. Our time is passing quickly, another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, another year almost gone, as I reflect on all I have to be thankful for and how quickly life goes by, I am reminded to never take a single minute for granted, not to waste time on the things that don't matter, and to enjoy every minute with my family and my children... Embrace the changes, encourage the growth, love them in each stage of life, cherish the time I have with them, and most of all- Be thankful every minute, every day, for everything!
"Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ"
Ephesians 5:20
This Thanksgiving I watched my girls make the food selections for our Thanksgiving meal. I watched them stand at the counter peeling vegetables, arranging fruit, setting the table, and serving the drinks. I am in awe of how quickly they are growing up and changing. One of our family members, who don't get to see them very much, asked me who they got their personalities from, especially Emma, because she didn't seem to have much of my husband's families personality. I kind of joked about it and laughed it off, because I couldn't really tell if she was being serious or if it was supposed to be a compliment or not, but later when I thought about it, I realized that Emma has really changed a lot in the last year, she has grown up a lot and she tries to act more like an adult and copy the adults she sees. She no longer really plays or runs around the table sitting on laps and giving hugs, she is more reserved and plays with her Kindle and babysits the babies. She talks about school and shopping and rolls her eyes when we pick at her and embarrass her. They don't act the same around my husband's family as they do at home, they are overwhelmed I believe, by how many people are there and the fact that some of them they only see once in a while, so they are more reserved and quiet, but the question about their personalities got me to thinking and yes, Emma does get hers from me, she talks like me, and thinks like me, she is artsy and a book worm, like me. She can be sarcastic and mouthy...like me. Jason says it is like having 2 of me at different ages and he always says she is a little copy of me, so yes, she is probably much more me in personality than my husbands family. Lydia on the other hand, is her Daddy made over. She is funny and technical like him, she is active and can't be still, like him. She is always thinking and inventing and taking things apart to analyze them, like him. She is also stubborn and strong willed and quick tempered.....like him. They each have a part of us in them and as the years pass and they continue to grow, I am reminded even more how short our time with them is, and how little time we really have to teach them, shape their character, grow their hearts and influence their lives. Our time is passing quickly, another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, another year almost gone, as I reflect on all I have to be thankful for and how quickly life goes by, I am reminded to never take a single minute for granted, not to waste time on the things that don't matter, and to enjoy every minute with my family and my children... Embrace the changes, encourage the growth, love them in each stage of life, cherish the time I have with them, and most of all- Be thankful every minute, every day, for everything!
"Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ"
Ephesians 5:20
Posted by
Victoria
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I woke up this morning to kisses from little girls and whispers of Happy Birthday in my ears. A foggy gray morning and a head cold to mark the passing of another year. I can't believe that I have reached the half way point, the big 4-0 as they say. The top of the hill ( which is good because I hate climbing so I am kind of ready to coast) It doesn't seem possible that I have experienced 40 years already. I can still remember playing on the playground at Immanuel Daycare, being hot and sweaty, eating popsicles and making clover chains to pass the long hot Summer hours while my Mother worked. I can still smell the stink of the dump and the taste of Brown Cow out of a bottle on Saturday morning trips with Daddy. I remember school days, friends, first kisses and nervous dates. These things feel like yesterday's memories and at the same time they feel like a lifetime ago. When I tell my girls about dates with their Daddy and trips we took before them, it seems like another life. I watched a video someone posted the other day on Facebook that was filmed my senior year of high school and I could see the faces, hear the voices, remember those people, but could not place a lot of their names anymore, lost somewhere over these 40 years and faded into another life so far removed from where I am now that it no longer feels like I was there. It is strange how fast life passes us by and yet we don't even feel it or notice it happening until it is done. I don't feel 40. When I glance in the mirror I don't see myself as older, as halfway through my life. I don't think about how many years have passed or how much time is still ahead. I just see me, but if I really look at myself, past that first glance, then I see time. I see the gray hair that blends in and pokes out here and there and lately everywhere. I see the laugh lines at the corner of my eyes and the way the skin doesn't just bounce right back after a good laugh or a hard cry. I spend the morning stretching and sometimes feeling the curves of the mattress and the effects of yesterday's work in my bones. I realize that while I was picturing the people around me growing up as being old, they were just where I am now and it doesn't seem so old anymore. Time is a funny thing .
I am happy about my birthday. I am not sad or depressed about being 40. I am o.k. with it. I know lots of people in my life who have already gone to be with the Lord and never got to make it to the halfway point. I have mourned for them and prayed for those they have left behind. I still think of them often. Good people...great people, people who I still don't understand why they had to be taken so early. I wake up and realize I have seen more sunrises and more beautiful sunsets than they ever had the chance to and I feel thankful. Thankful to God for allowing me to experience 40 years of laughter, tears, heartbreak, joy. Forty years of friendships and the blessing of a great husband and beautiful children, parents who are still with me, friends both new and old. I have gotten to watch my girls grow and laugh and have experienced so many things all over again through their eyes and with them and for that I am thankful. I praise God for the gray hair and I remember Proverbs 16:31 that says "Gray hair is a crown of glory, it is gained by living a godly life" and I am thankful. I praise God for the laugh lines because it means I have spent lots of my years in joy and I am thankful. I praise God for my aches and pains because it means I am still moving and for that I am thankful. I don't know how much time God has planned for me either long or short. I can't predict what tomorrow will hold, but for today, I am thankful.
As I spend my birthday morning watching Tangled with the girls, Emma asks if I wish she had magic hair to make me young again and I laugh and think about that for a long time before answering...no. I am happy to be "old", happy to be where I am and I would not want to go back and live any part of my life over. It has all happened for a reason and it has all made me who I am and brought me to where I am today and I would not trade a second of it to go back. I face 40 happy, healthy, and content, and for that I am thankful.
I will be your God throughout your lifetime -until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. - Isaiah 46:4
I am happy about my birthday. I am not sad or depressed about being 40. I am o.k. with it. I know lots of people in my life who have already gone to be with the Lord and never got to make it to the halfway point. I have mourned for them and prayed for those they have left behind. I still think of them often. Good people...great people, people who I still don't understand why they had to be taken so early. I wake up and realize I have seen more sunrises and more beautiful sunsets than they ever had the chance to and I feel thankful. Thankful to God for allowing me to experience 40 years of laughter, tears, heartbreak, joy. Forty years of friendships and the blessing of a great husband and beautiful children, parents who are still with me, friends both new and old. I have gotten to watch my girls grow and laugh and have experienced so many things all over again through their eyes and with them and for that I am thankful. I praise God for the gray hair and I remember Proverbs 16:31 that says "Gray hair is a crown of glory, it is gained by living a godly life" and I am thankful. I praise God for the laugh lines because it means I have spent lots of my years in joy and I am thankful. I praise God for my aches and pains because it means I am still moving and for that I am thankful. I don't know how much time God has planned for me either long or short. I can't predict what tomorrow will hold, but for today, I am thankful.
As I spend my birthday morning watching Tangled with the girls, Emma asks if I wish she had magic hair to make me young again and I laugh and think about that for a long time before answering...no. I am happy to be "old", happy to be where I am and I would not want to go back and live any part of my life over. It has all happened for a reason and it has all made me who I am and brought me to where I am today and I would not trade a second of it to go back. I face 40 happy, healthy, and content, and for that I am thankful.
I will be your God throughout your lifetime -until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. - Isaiah 46:4
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Victoria
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Forgiveness... a simple word but a hard concept. I have had this word on my mind lately as I see a thousand Facebook posts with quotes about forgiving others, enemies, parents. I think about it as I listen to Christian radio and hear song after song about forgiveness. I pray about it as I read the Bible and see verse after verse about forgiving others as we have been forgiven. I have never really had a spirit of resentment, I don't hold a grudge or have anyone in my life that has really hurt me beyond what I could forgive, but I know people who have struggled with forgiveness...people close to me who maybe can't quite find it within to forgive completely. If I am being honest, I know that there are people I need to forgive. Maybe they haven't even hurt me directly, but have hurt someone close to me. I am not sure which is worse, having someone hurt me or having someone hurt someone I love. I think when the people closest to us are hurting or angry, we justify their hurt and resentment by making it our own. You know what I mean, maybe your children come home from school and tell you about a kid on the playground who was picking on them or called them a hurtful name and all of a sudden you are mad at that child too and that child's parents for raising such a little brat that would say hurtful things to your child, how dare they. Not only do they now need to forgive, but so do you, for the feelings you felt or the words you said. Forgiveness becomes harder when anger is justified, especially when you have someone sharing it with you. I know there are people I need to forgive. We all have people we need to forgive. Just because you know in your head what you should do doesn't mean it comes easy or that our spirit is willing to follow. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. What does forgiveness look like? What does it mean? How do you find it within?
I don't really have the answers to these questions so if you're expecting some enlightenment or words of wisdom here, you have probably come to the wrong place. I think forgiveness looks different for each person and in each circumstance. For some it may come in the form of a single moment of brokenness, a change of heart, a sudden willingness to repair a relationship. I think most of us picture a scene where the person who hurt us breaks down, apologizes, says I am sorry, repents to us, shows remorse and then we are able to break down that wall of anger and hurt and just let go and forgive, start over fresh with a clean slate. The Bible paints this kind of a model of forgiveness, as believers we are called to repentance. Christ came so we could be forgiven, but first there must be a moment of clarity, a moment where we see our sin for what it is and we become broken with our remorse, we have to apologize, confess, repent and then comes the forgiveness. I think this is why we get the idea that this is what it should look like, that forgive and forget is the way it should be because that is the way it works with God, but the reality is that we aren't God and there may not always be that moment. The person or people who hurt us may never come to a place of remorse, they may never utter those words we long to hear. They may not even know that it is important, they may not even know what exactly they did to hurt you, or they may not really be that sorry, then what do we do? What does forgiveness look like then? and how do we find it?
I think in these cases it is more of a process, it doesn't happen in an instant. I believe sometimes it comes slowly and with time, and it may never look like a dramatic, TV kind of moment where everyone is crying, hugging and restored. Forgiveness is really more about freeing up your heart and mind so that whoever hurt you doesn't hold a part of you hostage, it is about finding a spirit of peace within yourself. Could this just be kind of a letting go, an "I wish you well" attitude, without restoration? I used to not think so, but now I am not so sure. I think this kind of forgiveness can come in all kinds of forms. I am learning that maybe forgiving doesn't equal forgetting. Some hurts run deep, some things get inside and mess with our heads and our hearts to the point that we believe they are a part of us. Sometimes anger is easier to handle than hurt, sometimes building a wall of resentment is easier than breaking down, especially if the list of hurts is long. Maybe the person or people who hurt us didn't just say or do one thing, maybe it was a series of hurtful things, months, years, a lifetime of hurt. We may think that forgiving is giving the person an out, or that it shows weakness on our part, but I don't believe that is true. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean that everything is forgotten, the past is erased, or that we have to subject ourselves to more hurt. I think that it really can mean moving on. I think it can be as simple as an acknowledgement that no one is perfect, that we all make mistakes, and it doesn't have to define us. We don't have to allow ourselves to be drug back to the place where we felt belittled or inadequate. It is o.k. to forgive, move on, and not look back. Head games and heart games stay with us, especially when the person who hurt us is someone close to us, like a family member or a friend. The closer we are to someone, the deeper it goes and the more affect it can have on our lives, our minds, our hearts. It can help shape what we think and believe about ourselves. Words hurt and whoever said they don't lied! For example, hurtful abusive words said to a child never really leave, they will always have a part of them that remembers what was said and a part of them that will always believe it was true, even when they are grown. The same is true for adults, it is hard to remember the positive yet easy to remember the negative. The person who hurts us may have done a thousand nice things before the hurt and may spend a lifetime saying and doing nice things afterward but we will always remember the hurtful words and actions first. I don't think we ever really "outgrow" those kinds of feelings, but we can overcome them. We don't have to let our past hurt define who we are or influence who we become. This is where forgiveness becomes vital in our hearts and lives. Forgiveness doesn't wipe the slate clean, but it wipes our hearts clean so that we can make room for peace, love and God. God can make all things new. He can take those hurtful words, hurtful actions, abuse, neglect, lies, pain, whatever it is and He can replace it with His love, His peace, His comfort. All we have to do is find a path to forgiveness, a moment of release and then He can do the rest.
I don't have all the answers to forgiveness and I am still praying for those close to me who are struggling with the process. I pray that they can overcome and that I no longer justify their hurt and anger; however, I think that maybe instead of me waiting for the aha! moment or the storybook ending, I need to open my eyes to the fact that the process may have already started, that the letting go is the process, that maybe the moment of release has already happened, there is no looking back and God will work out the rest and that maybe I just need to join them on the path, let go and let God.
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom
I don't really have the answers to these questions so if you're expecting some enlightenment or words of wisdom here, you have probably come to the wrong place. I think forgiveness looks different for each person and in each circumstance. For some it may come in the form of a single moment of brokenness, a change of heart, a sudden willingness to repair a relationship. I think most of us picture a scene where the person who hurt us breaks down, apologizes, says I am sorry, repents to us, shows remorse and then we are able to break down that wall of anger and hurt and just let go and forgive, start over fresh with a clean slate. The Bible paints this kind of a model of forgiveness, as believers we are called to repentance. Christ came so we could be forgiven, but first there must be a moment of clarity, a moment where we see our sin for what it is and we become broken with our remorse, we have to apologize, confess, repent and then comes the forgiveness. I think this is why we get the idea that this is what it should look like, that forgive and forget is the way it should be because that is the way it works with God, but the reality is that we aren't God and there may not always be that moment. The person or people who hurt us may never come to a place of remorse, they may never utter those words we long to hear. They may not even know that it is important, they may not even know what exactly they did to hurt you, or they may not really be that sorry, then what do we do? What does forgiveness look like then? and how do we find it?
I think in these cases it is more of a process, it doesn't happen in an instant. I believe sometimes it comes slowly and with time, and it may never look like a dramatic, TV kind of moment where everyone is crying, hugging and restored. Forgiveness is really more about freeing up your heart and mind so that whoever hurt you doesn't hold a part of you hostage, it is about finding a spirit of peace within yourself. Could this just be kind of a letting go, an "I wish you well" attitude, without restoration? I used to not think so, but now I am not so sure. I think this kind of forgiveness can come in all kinds of forms. I am learning that maybe forgiving doesn't equal forgetting. Some hurts run deep, some things get inside and mess with our heads and our hearts to the point that we believe they are a part of us. Sometimes anger is easier to handle than hurt, sometimes building a wall of resentment is easier than breaking down, especially if the list of hurts is long. Maybe the person or people who hurt us didn't just say or do one thing, maybe it was a series of hurtful things, months, years, a lifetime of hurt. We may think that forgiving is giving the person an out, or that it shows weakness on our part, but I don't believe that is true. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean that everything is forgotten, the past is erased, or that we have to subject ourselves to more hurt. I think that it really can mean moving on. I think it can be as simple as an acknowledgement that no one is perfect, that we all make mistakes, and it doesn't have to define us. We don't have to allow ourselves to be drug back to the place where we felt belittled or inadequate. It is o.k. to forgive, move on, and not look back. Head games and heart games stay with us, especially when the person who hurt us is someone close to us, like a family member or a friend. The closer we are to someone, the deeper it goes and the more affect it can have on our lives, our minds, our hearts. It can help shape what we think and believe about ourselves. Words hurt and whoever said they don't lied! For example, hurtful abusive words said to a child never really leave, they will always have a part of them that remembers what was said and a part of them that will always believe it was true, even when they are grown. The same is true for adults, it is hard to remember the positive yet easy to remember the negative. The person who hurts us may have done a thousand nice things before the hurt and may spend a lifetime saying and doing nice things afterward but we will always remember the hurtful words and actions first. I don't think we ever really "outgrow" those kinds of feelings, but we can overcome them. We don't have to let our past hurt define who we are or influence who we become. This is where forgiveness becomes vital in our hearts and lives. Forgiveness doesn't wipe the slate clean, but it wipes our hearts clean so that we can make room for peace, love and God. God can make all things new. He can take those hurtful words, hurtful actions, abuse, neglect, lies, pain, whatever it is and He can replace it with His love, His peace, His comfort. All we have to do is find a path to forgiveness, a moment of release and then He can do the rest.
I don't have all the answers to forgiveness and I am still praying for those close to me who are struggling with the process. I pray that they can overcome and that I no longer justify their hurt and anger; however, I think that maybe instead of me waiting for the aha! moment or the storybook ending, I need to open my eyes to the fact that the process may have already started, that the letting go is the process, that maybe the moment of release has already happened, there is no looking back and God will work out the rest and that maybe I just need to join them on the path, let go and let God.
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom
Posted by
Victoria
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Lydia laughed as she brought me the Barbie, "Look Mommy, she broke her arms." I looked down at the armless Barbie, but I wasn't laughing. "How did she break her arms?" Her response was hard to make out because of the giggling laughter " I couldn't get her shirt off so I pulled them too hard I think and they broke" I scolded her for being destructive and told her we would have to throw the Barbie away because there was no way to fix her arms. Lydia just shrugged it off and went back to playing with her other Barbie Dolls. A week later Emma brings me a drum she had gotten as a souvenir from Tweetsie. She had pulled the top and bottom off and un-threaded the string around it and tied it in knots, it was ruined. When I questioned her as to why she did it, her response was that it was old and she didn't really want it anymore anyway. When did my children decide it was o.k. to destroy and tear up their things? The sad part is that the Barbie and drum aren't the only items, this has been going on for a while now. Broken toys, missing pieces, stuff thrown around and stuffed in closets, torn papers, wasted papers and broken crayons. I looked around and realized that they just don't really care. They have so much stuff, they don't even care when something is torn, broken, missing. They have become so used to having, they aren't grateful for it anymore. Time for a change.
My children have too much stuff. They have never really wanted for anything. They have been spoiled, they have been lavished with stuff. In our defense, they do not get toys when we go to the store. We have never bought them anything just for no reason, they don't go toy shopping during the year. We don't bribe them with toys or award them with toys. In their defense, they have never thrown a fit for a toy or a tantrum, they never ask for things when we are shopping and have never fussed, complained or pouted when we say no. These are all good things, but then the holidays come around, the special vacation trips, birthdays... and we make up for it by buying, buying, and buying. They get lots of gifts at each holiday, from multiple family members. My parents, Jason's parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and extended family. They get a windfall almost every holiday or special occasion. They have toys in every room of our home. We donate every year before Christmas, we make them give up some things, but for every box that goes, three more come in. It is overwhelming and ridiculous and it has created a sense of ungratefulness, it has become expected and no longer allows them to value what they own. If you have 12 Barbie Dolls, why do you care if one gets broken, if you have 10 baby dolls, why does it matter if you leave one in the rain, if you have a whole closet full of art supplies, why do you care if you leave all the paint out to dry up? There is always more, there is always a replacement. Things don't matter, you don't cherish what you have. I began to explain it to them, "If you only had 2 Barbie's would you think it was funny to break one?" I am guessing no. So it begins.... change.
We are cleaning out toys. My children are cutting their possessions in half and in some cases more. It has not been easy. Emma cried when I told her she had to get rid of over 25 stuffed animals that were piled up on her bed, she hugged and kissed each one as she packed it up. Lydia cried when I told her she could only keep 3 baby dolls and all the rest had to go. I felt bad watching them give up toys that had cost us a lot of money and games like Candyland, that they have outgrown, but that held sweet memories of when they were little. Emma and I both struggled as we sorted out her books. We love books! and it was hard to get rid of some of them. A book called Some Dog, that I remember holding her on my lap and reading to her, Little Golden books that she would sit and read to me cuddled up close, but it is time for them to go. She reads chapter books now, someone else can use those books, and toys, and dolls. Someone who maybe doesn't have anything.
Emma decided to donate her stuffed animals to the Shelter Home, for children who have had to leave abusive situations, sometimes with only the clothes on their back. Lydia wants to donate her books to the library for the children who can't afford books. We decided to give some dolls and toys to a little girl we know whose family just lost everything in a fire. I had given her a lot of clothes last week, but no toys. We decided toys would be good too. Luckily my girls have never really been brats over what they have, they have never expected things or had an attitude of entitlement, at least outwardly, but they have come to be ungrateful and unappreciative in their hearts. They have forgotten that someone took their time and effort to buy them these things because they are loved and because they care. They have forgotten that there are children the world over that would cherish and love just one doll, or one animal, or one crayon, who would never think about laughing if it broke or became lost.
So far Operation clean-up has been a success. My house is cleaner than it has been in 5 years. As their rooms get cleaner and more organized, my children are starting to enjoy parting with things, and everyone is happier. It is a difficult lesson to learn seeing as how this world and culture we live in tells us more is better, bigger is better and your success is measured by what you own. I am thankful that God has allowed this to be a time of teaching. Teaching our children about what it means to give and think about others needs ahead of our own. Teach them to appreciate what they have and to never take their blessings for granted. That our success comes in loving God, putting others before our selves and growing more like Christ. This is where our abundance should be, not in earthly possessions, in Christ!
“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." Matthew 6:19-21
My children have too much stuff. They have never really wanted for anything. They have been spoiled, they have been lavished with stuff. In our defense, they do not get toys when we go to the store. We have never bought them anything just for no reason, they don't go toy shopping during the year. We don't bribe them with toys or award them with toys. In their defense, they have never thrown a fit for a toy or a tantrum, they never ask for things when we are shopping and have never fussed, complained or pouted when we say no. These are all good things, but then the holidays come around, the special vacation trips, birthdays... and we make up for it by buying, buying, and buying. They get lots of gifts at each holiday, from multiple family members. My parents, Jason's parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and extended family. They get a windfall almost every holiday or special occasion. They have toys in every room of our home. We donate every year before Christmas, we make them give up some things, but for every box that goes, three more come in. It is overwhelming and ridiculous and it has created a sense of ungratefulness, it has become expected and no longer allows them to value what they own. If you have 12 Barbie Dolls, why do you care if one gets broken, if you have 10 baby dolls, why does it matter if you leave one in the rain, if you have a whole closet full of art supplies, why do you care if you leave all the paint out to dry up? There is always more, there is always a replacement. Things don't matter, you don't cherish what you have. I began to explain it to them, "If you only had 2 Barbie's would you think it was funny to break one?" I am guessing no. So it begins.... change.
We are cleaning out toys. My children are cutting their possessions in half and in some cases more. It has not been easy. Emma cried when I told her she had to get rid of over 25 stuffed animals that were piled up on her bed, she hugged and kissed each one as she packed it up. Lydia cried when I told her she could only keep 3 baby dolls and all the rest had to go. I felt bad watching them give up toys that had cost us a lot of money and games like Candyland, that they have outgrown, but that held sweet memories of when they were little. Emma and I both struggled as we sorted out her books. We love books! and it was hard to get rid of some of them. A book called Some Dog, that I remember holding her on my lap and reading to her, Little Golden books that she would sit and read to me cuddled up close, but it is time for them to go. She reads chapter books now, someone else can use those books, and toys, and dolls. Someone who maybe doesn't have anything.
Emma decided to donate her stuffed animals to the Shelter Home, for children who have had to leave abusive situations, sometimes with only the clothes on their back. Lydia wants to donate her books to the library for the children who can't afford books. We decided to give some dolls and toys to a little girl we know whose family just lost everything in a fire. I had given her a lot of clothes last week, but no toys. We decided toys would be good too. Luckily my girls have never really been brats over what they have, they have never expected things or had an attitude of entitlement, at least outwardly, but they have come to be ungrateful and unappreciative in their hearts. They have forgotten that someone took their time and effort to buy them these things because they are loved and because they care. They have forgotten that there are children the world over that would cherish and love just one doll, or one animal, or one crayon, who would never think about laughing if it broke or became lost.
So far Operation clean-up has been a success. My house is cleaner than it has been in 5 years. As their rooms get cleaner and more organized, my children are starting to enjoy parting with things, and everyone is happier. It is a difficult lesson to learn seeing as how this world and culture we live in tells us more is better, bigger is better and your success is measured by what you own. I am thankful that God has allowed this to be a time of teaching. Teaching our children about what it means to give and think about others needs ahead of our own. Teach them to appreciate what they have and to never take their blessings for granted. That our success comes in loving God, putting others before our selves and growing more like Christ. This is where our abundance should be, not in earthly possessions, in Christ!
“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." Matthew 6:19-21
