Life Down the Rabbit Hole

Loving God,
Help us remember the birth of Jesus,
that we may share in the song of the angels,
the gladness of the shepherds,
and worship of the wise men.
Close the door of hate
and open the door of love all over the world.
Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting.
Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings,
and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.
May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children,
and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts,
forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake.
Amen.
-- Robert Louis Stevens


I read this the other day in a magazine that I get and it has stuck with me ever since. This is the prayer of my heart this Christmas. May God bless you and yours with a very Merry Christmas that I pray will be focused on Him!

If you would have asked me two years ago what our holiday traditions were I would have had a hard time pinning anything down as a true tradition in our family. We rarely do things that I consider "tradition", some years we do one thing and some years we switch it around and do something else and we are always open to new ideas so traditions weren't something I really focused on, but my focus has begun to change. Last year was the first time that we were in a new place over the holidays and everything seemed new and exciting, but this year we have settled in and I have realized that the things I didn't think of as tradition really were and all of a sudden I miss them. I miss candle teas, love feasts, driving through the lights at Tanglewood and roasting marshmellows. I miss snacks with Santa, going to see Dickens Christmas Carol playing at the Stevens Center, Holiday Concert at the coliseum, and being a part of A Clemmons Christmas at Center Grove. It made me sad that this was the first year Emma didn't ask if daddy and her were going on a sleigh ride around Mocksville on Frank ( the resident horse). When she asked if we would watch the Macy's parade while I cooked Thanksgiving dinner I told her no, because now we have to travel to see family and they aren't coming to our house this year. She seemed disappointed and I realized that these things, although not set in stone, and not neccesarily yearly events, had come to represent the holidays to us. I realized that in a couple more years my children won't remember these things and that it is our responsibility ( Jason and I ) to not wallow in what we miss and be sad about what used to be but get out there and find new traditions to enjoy.
One new thing we started last year was the celebration of Advent which was a big hit in our house. The children still talk about it and had we not come here and become a part of  Mt. Vernon we may never have found this wonderful new tradition that truly represents the meaning of Christmas. We will continue the tradition of cutting our own tree and we are going to A Clemmons Christmas in a couple of weeks because I don't want Emma & Lydia to forget this wonderful depiction of Christ's birth, life, death and ressurection, but I also know that we have to find  things here in this new place and chapter of our life so that one day when Emma and Lydia are asked the question "what are your traditions?" they will have an answer! and so begins the search of all things Christmas that will become the tradtions that we can pass down to the next generation.... I am open to suggestions! :o)


It comes every year and will go on forever. And along with Christmas belong the keepsakes and the customs. Those humble, everyday things a mother clings to, and ponders, like Mary in the secret spaces of her heart. -- Marjorie Holmes

I can't believe the time has come for the clocks to turn ahead, the flowers to bloom, the birds to sing and the Easter Bunny to hop on over to our house and leave eggs and candy ( whose idea was that anyway?). Spring is not usually my favorite season. I am a fall and winter girl. I love fall colors and cool days. I look forward to pumpkins and long sleeves and the Dixie Classic Fair. I love snow! and pray every year for enough of it for my children to play in. I love to be snowed in and drinking hot chocolate in front of the fire. This year I learned to be careful what you pray for because winter hit like a cinder block to the head and didn't let up until about 3 weeks ago. We had more snow than I can remember in a long time and I knew it was bad when Emma, who took great joy in the first, second, and third snowfall, began to complain about the snow and started to pray for God to let it go away. This year Spring is the season of joy for us. I have taken a new appreciation in the songs of birds, the blooming of daffodils, the planting of my garden. I am so happy that I live in a state that has four distinct seasons. The older I get the more I appreciate each one for what it is and enjoy all the changes with my family.
It is hard to believe that at this time last year we were preparing our house to go on the market. We were painting, remodeling, boxing- up and throwing out. I wasn't really looking forward to moving. I had a lot of mixed feelings about packing up the only home my girl's had known and, as an only child, I had a lot of reservations about leaving my family. The girl's were stressed and full of questions. Jason wasn't sure he wanted to take his family away from all of our family and friends. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. God really began to lay on my heart that there are lost, hurting people everywhere and that maybe getting out of my comfort zone would open up some new opportunities to not just talk about serving him but actually do it! It was a very stressful time for our whole family and yet it is so hard to believe that it has been almost a year since Jason and I made the decision that we would never know what God may have planned for us if we never put our trust in him and let him work it out. I truly believe God has led us to this place. I believe he has a plan for us here although I don't know exactly what that plan is right now. I pray everyday that he will open up opportunities for serving him here in this place. I still miss a lot of things from home. Family, friends, shopping, church, picnics at Tanglewood, The Hero House, Hanes Mall, Ketchie Creek, did I mention shopping..... oh enough already! I also have a lot of new things that I love about here... the beauty of the mountains, gorgeous sunsets, a nice new house that doesn't need a ton of work, a wonderful neighborhood with a lot of nice people, a great church here that has welcomed us and made us feel at home, a great school for Emma, etc.
I know that there is a purpose God has for us. Pray that God will show us where we can be of service to him here in Lenoir. In this season of new beginnings I am looking forward to what God has planned for us as we seek to serve him.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11   

Is it time already? I can't believe that my littlest child, the baby, is now 3 years old. The time when all good parents send their children off to preschool. The place where they will learn the lessons they need to survive in the world of Elementary school. Sharing toys, taking turns, how to line up, and with the way schools are these days, they also have to get a head start on numbers, letters, reading, writing, and the list goes on and on. At least this is what I believed two and a half years ago when Emma was turning 3. I didn't know a single person whose children weren't in some sort of preschool or daycare setting. Clemmons, Advance, Lewisville and Mocksville were full of preschools. Just about every church had one. There were at least 10 within a 15 minute drive of my house. I never remember even thinking about options with Emma. It was just assumed that when she turned three she would head off to preschool. I prepared her for it, we talked about it, and I even took her to spend the day at one when she was two so she would know what to expect. She loved it and anxiously looked forward to the day she would get a little backpack with her name stitched on it ( a promise from Nana) and head out the door and into the world of education and play. She is my school- loving, bookworm, artistic, old soul so we plunged in and never looked back. We were blessed to find Bethlehem Angels Preschool at Bethlehem Methodist Church in Advance. She had wonderful, loving teachers, made some adorable friendships, and loved every minute spent singing, writing, visiting farm animals, playing hand bells, and making every sort of craft you can imagine, which are all neatly stored in a bin, even though I always said I wouldn't be one of those sentimental mothers that kept every scribbled drawing. Oh well! we learn to eat a lot of words after we join the ranks of motherhood. That was three years ago and that was a different child and a different enviroment which brings me to the predicament.
Lydia, my little ball of energy and curiosity and fiery red-headed temperment, is now three and she is everything her sister is not. Lydia isn't really interested in school. She hates to sit still and she is about as artistic as her father (which would be zero artistry skills). We now live in a different town, which from what I can tell, isn't really as big on the preschool concept. I can only find about three different ones when I google preschool. Only one shows up in the phone book and although there is a church on every corner only a couple of them advertise any kind of preschool or mother's morning out. The people I have met at the library or the local park all look at me strangely when I mention preschool and most of them think it isn't really neccessary. They tend to use the school run preschools, if any at all, such as Head Start or More at Four. I don't need full day preschool so those aren't really options for us. I also feel differently with Lydia being the youngest. I am a stay at home mother and if both my children are in school then what exactly am I home doing? I am never going to have another little baby to take care of so part of me is in no hurry to push Lydia out into the world. Lydia is also very smart, and like her sister she picks up on learning very quickly. She has not only had a mommy and daddy teaching her, singing to her and reading to her, but she also has the benefit of an older sister doing those things too. I worry about how bored she will be in "real" school if she spends two years in preschool. Emma has struggled with boredom all year. She had already learned most of things that she is now being taught in Kindergarten and while she can sit and read a book or color while the others are finishing work, Lydia will more than likely be spending her free time in the principal's office if boredom sets in. I keep going back and forth and back and forth but I know whatever descision is made, I am still going to dread the day when my littlest one puts on her backpack and heads out into the world. A bridge in time will be crossed and there will be no turning back. I thank God for each moment He has blessed me with to love on them and watch them grow and I pray that He continues to guide us through the next phase of life with or without a preschool diploma.
" Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward."  Psalm 127:3

I heard someone say that we are born with only two inate fears. The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned behavior. I personally don't have very many fears. I have never liked the dark, snakes and spiders. That is about it. My parents aren't fearful people and they never fed into fears so my learned fears came mostly from experiences. I stepped on a spider when I was young and it was carrying babys on it's back ( who knew that they do that?) and when I squished her all the babies ran in all directions and up my pant legs and my shoes and scared me to death and that was it, no more spiders for me. My fear of the dark came with neighbors who were older and mostly of the male variety who loved to scare me and my friend with tales of ax men that lived in the woods behind our houses and snatched little kids... seems silly, but at the time I used to run as fast as I could to get home from my friends house at night and since my bed was under a window I always slept with my back to the window so I couldn't see him coming. I think my fear of snakes needs no explanation. It is a snake, enough said.
 My husband is afraid of heights and snakes ( I think snakes should be listed with those inate fears your born with). When he was young he had a bad experience on a carnival ride or something and he blames it on that but who knows.
We have both tried really hard to not pass these fears onto our children. I don't want them to be fearful and miss out on great opportunities out of fear, but amazingly enough fear has even found it's way into their experiences and some of it does seem to pass down although Jason and I can't think of a single time we have showed fear in front of them. Emma is afraid of heights and the dark. One from each parent. I have never taught her to be afraid of the dark. We laugh and make jokes when there is a monster in her room and she always laughs it off, but she sleeps with her door cracked to see the light from the den and always sleeps with a night light.She has always been fearful of high places and even the tall balance beam at gymnastics makes her very nervous. She has never had a bad experience with either one of her fears so where do they come from?
Lydia is afraid of spiders and wind. I know it is strange and she is slightly strange anyway so it fits...haha! Spiders she did not get from me. She had a dream when she was two that there were spiders in her bed and she woke up screaming. This is the only dream she has ever had that she could tell us exactly what she dreamed and the only dream she has had that she never forgot and still talks about it although no one ever mentions it and it has been a year. It must have been a very vivid, scary dream for her. I hate it, but unfortunately I can't take that image away. The wind comes from something only she must know. She has never blown away so who knows, but from the time she could hold her head up she has cryed in the wind. She holds her hood up on her coat so it can't blow her hair and yesterday in the wind storm ( 50 mph wind gusts) she sat in the den looking out the window crying for most of the day and saying she was scared. She took no nap because she could hear it coming and she yelled at it to STOP! She is funny. I tried to comfort her and show her it wasn't going to hurt her, but she was unmoved.
I had a stressful day after dealing with her whining and crying all day but it never occured to me to use the opportunity to pray with her or talk to her about God taking away our fears. Emma came home from school and saw Lydia crying so she went over and told her it was o.k. In a few minutes the wind died down and they were playing quietly. I said to them " yay! the wind seems to be dying down." and Emma said "well of course mommy! I prayed God would make it stop and He always does." Lydia was happy for the first time all day and I realized that I had gotten a lesson from my five year old. Even though the wind would pick back up and blow, they seemed unconcerned with it. Why did I not think of that?A lesson in faith taught to my three year old by my five year old. Lydia may still be afraid of the wind, but at least she found comfort in knowing God is bigger than any wind storm. All I can say is Thank you to God for my children, showing me what faith like a child really means and letting me have the real lesson of the day!
" For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

Where did last year go? For that matter, where did the last decade go? I can't believe that we already have one foot in the door of a new year and a new decade. It made me start to think about what I have accomplished so far in my life and where I would like to be heading in this new season of life.
I decided long ago that making resolutions was a waste of my time mainly because I put very little thought into making them and very little effort into keeping them so a couple of years ago I resolved to not make resolutions anymore and then I could save myself the humiliation of breaking them all before spring even arrived, but then I read this quote from Benjamin Mays that says "the great tradgedy in life does not lie in not reaching your goal, the tradgedy lies in having no goals to reach."  I knew that I needed to set goals in order to keep focused and to have something to strive for and maybe if I spent time in prayer and thinking about what I really want to accomplish I would find that I might achieve better results. This past decade has been spent planning, having and starting to raise a family. I have tied up almost this entire decade planning preganacy, being pregnant, changing diapers, potty training and generally taking care of children and finding a new identity as a saty-at-home mother of preschoolers. I am thankful to God for this season of life but now I am ready to take on a new challenge.
 I have spent a lot of time this week thinking and praying about what my goals for this coming year should be and need to be. I figure if I write them out and post them then it will help me to stay accountable and hopefully achieve the best results.
1. Get healthy-Stay healthy! I am not vowing to lose weight although if I strive to be healthy then that should come naturally. Jason and I have had a wake-up call after he went for a routine exam and found that his blood pressure and choleserol were high and that he needed to get on a healthy diet immediately. I am commiting to eat healthy, cook healthy and exersize regularly this year so that both of us can be around to see our children grow. How can I teach them good health when they don't see it modeled?
2. Discover me again. Before I was Emma and Lydia's mommy, I was Victoria. I liked to scrapbook, trace my family history, and work jigsaw puzzles. I was an avid reader, antique collector, and although I am not particularly good at them I like to draw and play the piano. I was a hairdresser, with a job, and a decent wardrobe that consisted of more than sweatpants and tee shirts. One of my biggest goals this year is to get back to being me. I have spent the last 6 years being pregnant, changing diapers, playing with dolls, singing ABC's, reading Dr. Suess and watching Dora. Now that Emma is in school and Lydia is getting bigger I am looking forward to finding my identity again. I am ready to enjoy grown-up hobbies. I still look forward to play time, picnics at the park, tea parties, cuddles and cartoons but they also need to see who their mommy is and what she likes to do as a grown-up.
3. Travel! Jason and I love to travel and before we had children we took one big trip a year. We went to big places like Cancun, Las Vegas, and  Disney World. We went to small places like Jonesborough, TN, Williamsburg, VA, and Chatanooga. We miss traveling and now that the girl's are big enough we want them to see that there is more to the world than the mountains and the beach. 
4. Volunteer/ mission trip- I have felt God calling me to do something in missions for a long time but I have always had an excuse why I couldn't volunteer or go on a missions trip. Who would watch the girls? Where do I start? I don't know what to do, etc. I have discovered lately that Emma has a heart for missions. She loves collecting money for charity, taking clothes and toys to children in need. She loved doing the Operation Christmas Child shoebox and she is still praying for the children who received them in Rwanda ( we tracked them online this year) She always prays for people with no homes and during Advent she reminded us every night to put our money in the jar for the Shelter Home. I teach her as much as I can about making a difference but she has not seen really seen me model it for her. The Bible says to train up a child in the way they should go. I have to train her not only with my words but with my actions. God has been leading me to do more for His kingdom so no more excuses it is time for action!
Jason and I also have some goals we have set together so we are ready to start a new year focused on God and family. I am thankful to God for a new year and a new start and I am hopeful that this will be the year that I achieve my goals!