Stay at Home... What?

For the last 8 years when someone asked me what my job was I have answered with the words " I am a Stay at Home Mom". I have been home taking care of children since the day I found out I was pregnant with Emma. I didn't intend to be a stay at home Mom, I never even imagined that I would be home at all. I had worked since I was 16, and at the time I became pregnant, I worked over 40 hours a week as a hairdresser, and most weeks earned equal to if not more than my husband. I payed bills, paid for Summer vacations, bought what I wanted and had a car and credit in my name. I told everyone I was coming back to work as soon as the daycare would take them, but God had other plans. I had a difficult pregnancy that started with bedrest and ended with that baby going back to be with Jesus, so when I surprisingly became pregnant again just a few months later, the doctors wrote me out of work immediately. They didn't want me on my feet and breathing in chemicals, just to be safe, and this is when my stay at home adventure began. I didn't think we would make it, I didn't think we could afford it, I didn't think I could handle it, but God said otherwise. I prayed daily that God would provide our needs and each month I would consider it a success when the bills were paid and nothing had been repossessed or shut off. We downsized cars, we bundled bills, we canceled luxuries, we quit shopping for frivolous items and we realized day care is expensive and for us it was becoming more and more unneccessary. The weeks turned into months and the months turned into years and another child, layoffs, another town, another house and through it all God remained faithful and here it is 8 years later and I am still home and we are still making it, not always easily, but here we are.
Now my children have both grown past the preschool years and we have entered a new chapter, the elementary years. This presents me with bit of a problem because now I am no longer a stay at home Mom, I am still a Mom and I am still at home, but for 8 hours a day I am not a stay at home Mother, I am just a stay at home.... what? housewife? unemployed hairdresser? Now when people ask me I don't know what to say, I am just at home. Alone. I feel differently now. I always felt like I was working even though I was home because I was always busy, always had a child who needed something. They needed dressed, washed, played with, taught, kissed, bandaged, bathed, changed and something always needed cleaned, made, cooked, bought, but now the cleaning is less, the children only need early in the morning or late in the afternoon, lunch is whatever I eat. It is strange,  this housewife exsistence. I feel like I am more accountable for accomplishing things so Jason doesn't think I am not productive enough, I feel like I need to be busy so I can justify my staying home. I feel the need to follow up that I stay home with "but I am going to look for a job soon". I shop with the retired ladies at the grocery store. I am a stay at home.... ?
But then God has been laying in my heart that this is the perfect time for me to be useful, both for my family and for His kingdom. I have time, time for volunteering, time for Bible study, time for me, to find who I am again outside of children and chaos, I have time to reconnect with Jason on his days off without children, and it has been great. I have time to organize my house the way I have wanted to for so long, I have time for making bread and planning meals, I have time to serve at the soup kitchen, and help out at school, and pray. I can have a whole conversation with God in peace, quiet time with Him, everyday, uninterrupted. I can hang out with my husband like we did when we were young, go out to lunch and talk. This has made me an even better stay at home Mom because now when the girls get home, I have time to play, time to listen, and since I have had time, I have more patience, more kindness and more love to share with them. I feel like a better wife, a better Mother ,and I think I can now provide a more Godly example to my family and those around me. I am so lucky to have a husband who works hard to support us, who never says a word about what I do during the day, even when he comes home and the house is still messy and the laundry isn't done, he never says get a job or asks when I am going to go back to work. He just thanks me for taking care of them, and tells me to enjoy this time and that I will always be a Mommy whether they are here all day or not, and this past week when Lydia was sick all week I realized that I am still thankful to be home and available to care for her and that they still need me here even when they are at school. I am still thinking about a job even if it is part time, but for now I am just going to enjoy this new normal. God's timing is perfect and I am thankful he allowed us to have our children when He did and that He provides for us daily so that I can be a stay at home...something. I pray I use this time He has given me wisely for both my family and for Him.    
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9