www.sandraevertson.com
9 years ago
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Victoria
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I am sitting here surrounded by Christmas decorations, boxes, open toys, bits of left over wrapping paper... the Advent log is stretched out across the floor with the stubs of burnt candles and the smell of wax... the Christmas tree is bare, waiting to go to the forest to become a home for bugs and birds. I cannot believe that another year has come and gone. Life moves so quickly these days. Children growing, time passing. Last year I memorized my first complete book of scripture.. the book of James. ( it was life changing and I plan to memorize another book this year- I highly recommend it!) I quote it back to God about once every two weeks in order to lock it in my heart and hold it in my 40 year old mind, that is full of so much, I have to sort through the random in order to remember the important. Today I quoted it in the car on my way to the gym and when I got to the verse that says " What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" I paused and thought how true that verse really is, we are nothing but mist, a breath, our time here is so short compared to eternity. What have I accomplished with this blink of a year? What have I failed at in this blink of a year? I sometimes think my failures outweigh my accomplishments, but I am thankful that I serve a big God, a merciful God, whose mercies are new every morning.. and every new year.
2013 was a good year for our family. Our children were healthy, our marriage was strong, we had more ups than downs and for that I praise God! Did I accomplish everything I set out to do? no.. I failed at so many things, I am still overweight, I am still a procrastinator, I still have days where I question myself as a wife... as a Mother. I have been thinking a lot about what my goals should be for this coming year.
I have a lot of friends that do word studies for the New Year. They pick a word and they make it their motivation, their mantra, their focus for the days ahead. I am not good at that. I have thought and thought of word after word, but nothing just jumped out at me or screamed focus. My mind is full of words, I have books of words stored up there, but how can I pick just one that encompasses all I need to change?
I want 2014 to be a year of spiritual change for me, the year that I make myself be who God wants me to be. I really believe we are living in the last days. I think they are here and the more I read the news, the more I watch the cultural changes taking place and the more I experience in my own life, the more I believe we have arrived... I read this verse the other day "You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!" 2 Timothy 3:1-5 and it really hit home for me, how much of this describes our world? How much of this describes me? "They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.." That sentence speaks volumes to me about where our culture is right now. How many people do I know who claim to be Christian, but who don't really live it, and this includes me a lot of the time. How watered down our faith has become, how watered down our belief, how weak our testimony. The people of the Bible lived big, they were all in, they gave up everything in order to follow God. People throughout history up until just a couple of generations ago, took spiritual things so much more seriously than we do today. People in other parts of the world right now are jailed, tortured, killed, shunned, exiled.. just for claiming Christ, but yet they do it anyway. Would I live like that? Am I all in? How much do I water down my faith? Do I reject the power and not even realize it? How much do I look like the world versus how much I look like Christ? These are the things I am pondering as I head into this New Years Eve night, the start of a new year that will be here and gone in a flash just like this one. What do I need to change within myself to become more separated from the world and more separated from this culture in order to adhere myself to Christ? I have a two little girls growing up in this world who need to know what we believe about God and the Bible, who need to know what it looks like to belong to God and not to this world. Two people I am responsible to shape and teach and grow. I am responsible to model godliness to them and for them. The way they view God later, may depend on how I am viewing Him right now. What are the goals I need to set for 2014, realistically, because my goal to lose weight, my goal to travel, my goal to be organized or crafty or read more books, will be absolutely pointless if I miss the real goal.. the goal to be more like Christ, the goal to be less like the world, the goal to embrace the power that will make me godly... I have to be all in..
(to be continued... New Years Day)
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17
2013 was a good year for our family. Our children were healthy, our marriage was strong, we had more ups than downs and for that I praise God! Did I accomplish everything I set out to do? no.. I failed at so many things, I am still overweight, I am still a procrastinator, I still have days where I question myself as a wife... as a Mother. I have been thinking a lot about what my goals should be for this coming year.
I have a lot of friends that do word studies for the New Year. They pick a word and they make it their motivation, their mantra, their focus for the days ahead. I am not good at that. I have thought and thought of word after word, but nothing just jumped out at me or screamed focus. My mind is full of words, I have books of words stored up there, but how can I pick just one that encompasses all I need to change?
I want 2014 to be a year of spiritual change for me, the year that I make myself be who God wants me to be. I really believe we are living in the last days. I think they are here and the more I read the news, the more I watch the cultural changes taking place and the more I experience in my own life, the more I believe we have arrived... I read this verse the other day "You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!" 2 Timothy 3:1-5 and it really hit home for me, how much of this describes our world? How much of this describes me? "They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.." That sentence speaks volumes to me about where our culture is right now. How many people do I know who claim to be Christian, but who don't really live it, and this includes me a lot of the time. How watered down our faith has become, how watered down our belief, how weak our testimony. The people of the Bible lived big, they were all in, they gave up everything in order to follow God. People throughout history up until just a couple of generations ago, took spiritual things so much more seriously than we do today. People in other parts of the world right now are jailed, tortured, killed, shunned, exiled.. just for claiming Christ, but yet they do it anyway. Would I live like that? Am I all in? How much do I water down my faith? Do I reject the power and not even realize it? How much do I look like the world versus how much I look like Christ? These are the things I am pondering as I head into this New Years Eve night, the start of a new year that will be here and gone in a flash just like this one. What do I need to change within myself to become more separated from the world and more separated from this culture in order to adhere myself to Christ? I have a two little girls growing up in this world who need to know what we believe about God and the Bible, who need to know what it looks like to belong to God and not to this world. Two people I am responsible to shape and teach and grow. I am responsible to model godliness to them and for them. The way they view God later, may depend on how I am viewing Him right now. What are the goals I need to set for 2014, realistically, because my goal to lose weight, my goal to travel, my goal to be organized or crafty or read more books, will be absolutely pointless if I miss the real goal.. the goal to be more like Christ, the goal to be less like the world, the goal to embrace the power that will make me godly... I have to be all in..
(to be continued... New Years Day)
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17
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Victoria
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Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and now the countdown to Christmas begins. I can't believe how fast this year has passed, it is like I blinked and the year was gone. I am always amazed by how quickly time flies when I am wrapped up in children activities, school events, holidays, birthdays, travel days, etc. After the children were born the clock seemed to speed up, it is like I never had anything to measure time with before, and now I have two walking reminders of how quickly our lives are passing. I measured Lydia on her door frame a couple of weeks ago (because that is our tradition on birthdays) and was amazed to see that she had grown over 2 inches just this past year. You couldn't really see the growth day to day, but there it was staring back at me from the door frame. I still think of her as small and "the baby" of the family, but she isn't a baby anymore and she isn't small. I looked around the table at Thanksgiving dinner and saw my husband's cousin who I remember as an infant and now she is a grown, military, working, independent woman. I see the new baby cousins that are just infants and as I held one of them, all of a sudden I realized how far removed from that baby stage that I have become, for years we had the only little children, the only babies, and now a new generation is beginning. As I carried that baby around, I thought about the fact that it has been 5 years since I changed my own child's diapers, 6 years since I had to make my own child a bottle or rocked them to sleep. I don't carry them in my arms hardly at all anymore. I no longer have to pack a bag or plan a schedule for the holiday meals and travel. We just hop in the car, strap on the seat belts, head out. No worrying about sleep schedules or formula or whether we remembered the burp clothes, bottles, change of clothes. It was a bittersweet thought, because while I sometimes miss that stage and I am sad that it went by so quickly and sometimes we are so caught up in it that we don't always appreciate how short it really is, I am also thankful for the stage we are in now. I love this independent, growing up, enjoying friends and movies, sleepovers and activities stage. Each stage is a gift, and they all have precious things to enjoy.
This Thanksgiving I watched my girls make the food selections for our Thanksgiving meal. I watched them stand at the counter peeling vegetables, arranging fruit, setting the table, and serving the drinks. I am in awe of how quickly they are growing up and changing. One of our family members, who don't get to see them very much, asked me who they got their personalities from, especially Emma, because she didn't seem to have much of my husband's families personality. I kind of joked about it and laughed it off, because I couldn't really tell if she was being serious or if it was supposed to be a compliment or not, but later when I thought about it, I realized that Emma has really changed a lot in the last year, she has grown up a lot and she tries to act more like an adult and copy the adults she sees. She no longer really plays or runs around the table sitting on laps and giving hugs, she is more reserved and plays with her Kindle and babysits the babies. She talks about school and shopping and rolls her eyes when we pick at her and embarrass her. They don't act the same around my husband's family as they do at home, they are overwhelmed I believe, by how many people are there and the fact that some of them they only see once in a while, so they are more reserved and quiet, but the question about their personalities got me to thinking and yes, Emma does get hers from me, she talks like me, and thinks like me, she is artsy and a book worm, like me. She can be sarcastic and mouthy...like me. Jason says it is like having 2 of me at different ages and he always says she is a little copy of me, so yes, she is probably much more me in personality than my husbands family. Lydia on the other hand, is her Daddy made over. She is funny and technical like him, she is active and can't be still, like him. She is always thinking and inventing and taking things apart to analyze them, like him. She is also stubborn and strong willed and quick tempered.....like him. They each have a part of us in them and as the years pass and they continue to grow, I am reminded even more how short our time with them is, and how little time we really have to teach them, shape their character, grow their hearts and influence their lives. Our time is passing quickly, another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, another year almost gone, as I reflect on all I have to be thankful for and how quickly life goes by, I am reminded to never take a single minute for granted, not to waste time on the things that don't matter, and to enjoy every minute with my family and my children... Embrace the changes, encourage the growth, love them in each stage of life, cherish the time I have with them, and most of all- Be thankful every minute, every day, for everything!
"Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ"
Ephesians 5:20
This Thanksgiving I watched my girls make the food selections for our Thanksgiving meal. I watched them stand at the counter peeling vegetables, arranging fruit, setting the table, and serving the drinks. I am in awe of how quickly they are growing up and changing. One of our family members, who don't get to see them very much, asked me who they got their personalities from, especially Emma, because she didn't seem to have much of my husband's families personality. I kind of joked about it and laughed it off, because I couldn't really tell if she was being serious or if it was supposed to be a compliment or not, but later when I thought about it, I realized that Emma has really changed a lot in the last year, she has grown up a lot and she tries to act more like an adult and copy the adults she sees. She no longer really plays or runs around the table sitting on laps and giving hugs, she is more reserved and plays with her Kindle and babysits the babies. She talks about school and shopping and rolls her eyes when we pick at her and embarrass her. They don't act the same around my husband's family as they do at home, they are overwhelmed I believe, by how many people are there and the fact that some of them they only see once in a while, so they are more reserved and quiet, but the question about their personalities got me to thinking and yes, Emma does get hers from me, she talks like me, and thinks like me, she is artsy and a book worm, like me. She can be sarcastic and mouthy...like me. Jason says it is like having 2 of me at different ages and he always says she is a little copy of me, so yes, she is probably much more me in personality than my husbands family. Lydia on the other hand, is her Daddy made over. She is funny and technical like him, she is active and can't be still, like him. She is always thinking and inventing and taking things apart to analyze them, like him. She is also stubborn and strong willed and quick tempered.....like him. They each have a part of us in them and as the years pass and they continue to grow, I am reminded even more how short our time with them is, and how little time we really have to teach them, shape their character, grow their hearts and influence their lives. Our time is passing quickly, another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, another year almost gone, as I reflect on all I have to be thankful for and how quickly life goes by, I am reminded to never take a single minute for granted, not to waste time on the things that don't matter, and to enjoy every minute with my family and my children... Embrace the changes, encourage the growth, love them in each stage of life, cherish the time I have with them, and most of all- Be thankful every minute, every day, for everything!
"Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ"
Ephesians 5:20
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Victoria
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I woke up this morning to kisses from little girls and whispers of Happy Birthday in my ears. A foggy gray morning and a head cold to mark the passing of another year. I can't believe that I have reached the half way point, the big 4-0 as they say. The top of the hill ( which is good because I hate climbing so I am kind of ready to coast) It doesn't seem possible that I have experienced 40 years already. I can still remember playing on the playground at Immanuel Daycare, being hot and sweaty, eating popsicles and making clover chains to pass the long hot Summer hours while my Mother worked. I can still smell the stink of the dump and the taste of Brown Cow out of a bottle on Saturday morning trips with Daddy. I remember school days, friends, first kisses and nervous dates. These things feel like yesterday's memories and at the same time they feel like a lifetime ago. When I tell my girls about dates with their Daddy and trips we took before them, it seems like another life. I watched a video someone posted the other day on Facebook that was filmed my senior year of high school and I could see the faces, hear the voices, remember those people, but could not place a lot of their names anymore, lost somewhere over these 40 years and faded into another life so far removed from where I am now that it no longer feels like I was there. It is strange how fast life passes us by and yet we don't even feel it or notice it happening until it is done. I don't feel 40. When I glance in the mirror I don't see myself as older, as halfway through my life. I don't think about how many years have passed or how much time is still ahead. I just see me, but if I really look at myself, past that first glance, then I see time. I see the gray hair that blends in and pokes out here and there and lately everywhere. I see the laugh lines at the corner of my eyes and the way the skin doesn't just bounce right back after a good laugh or a hard cry. I spend the morning stretching and sometimes feeling the curves of the mattress and the effects of yesterday's work in my bones. I realize that while I was picturing the people around me growing up as being old, they were just where I am now and it doesn't seem so old anymore. Time is a funny thing .
I am happy about my birthday. I am not sad or depressed about being 40. I am o.k. with it. I know lots of people in my life who have already gone to be with the Lord and never got to make it to the halfway point. I have mourned for them and prayed for those they have left behind. I still think of them often. Good people...great people, people who I still don't understand why they had to be taken so early. I wake up and realize I have seen more sunrises and more beautiful sunsets than they ever had the chance to and I feel thankful. Thankful to God for allowing me to experience 40 years of laughter, tears, heartbreak, joy. Forty years of friendships and the blessing of a great husband and beautiful children, parents who are still with me, friends both new and old. I have gotten to watch my girls grow and laugh and have experienced so many things all over again through their eyes and with them and for that I am thankful. I praise God for the gray hair and I remember Proverbs 16:31 that says "Gray hair is a crown of glory, it is gained by living a godly life" and I am thankful. I praise God for the laugh lines because it means I have spent lots of my years in joy and I am thankful. I praise God for my aches and pains because it means I am still moving and for that I am thankful. I don't know how much time God has planned for me either long or short. I can't predict what tomorrow will hold, but for today, I am thankful.
As I spend my birthday morning watching Tangled with the girls, Emma asks if I wish she had magic hair to make me young again and I laugh and think about that for a long time before answering...no. I am happy to be "old", happy to be where I am and I would not want to go back and live any part of my life over. It has all happened for a reason and it has all made me who I am and brought me to where I am today and I would not trade a second of it to go back. I face 40 happy, healthy, and content, and for that I am thankful.
I will be your God throughout your lifetime -until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. - Isaiah 46:4
I am happy about my birthday. I am not sad or depressed about being 40. I am o.k. with it. I know lots of people in my life who have already gone to be with the Lord and never got to make it to the halfway point. I have mourned for them and prayed for those they have left behind. I still think of them often. Good people...great people, people who I still don't understand why they had to be taken so early. I wake up and realize I have seen more sunrises and more beautiful sunsets than they ever had the chance to and I feel thankful. Thankful to God for allowing me to experience 40 years of laughter, tears, heartbreak, joy. Forty years of friendships and the blessing of a great husband and beautiful children, parents who are still with me, friends both new and old. I have gotten to watch my girls grow and laugh and have experienced so many things all over again through their eyes and with them and for that I am thankful. I praise God for the gray hair and I remember Proverbs 16:31 that says "Gray hair is a crown of glory, it is gained by living a godly life" and I am thankful. I praise God for the laugh lines because it means I have spent lots of my years in joy and I am thankful. I praise God for my aches and pains because it means I am still moving and for that I am thankful. I don't know how much time God has planned for me either long or short. I can't predict what tomorrow will hold, but for today, I am thankful.
As I spend my birthday morning watching Tangled with the girls, Emma asks if I wish she had magic hair to make me young again and I laugh and think about that for a long time before answering...no. I am happy to be "old", happy to be where I am and I would not want to go back and live any part of my life over. It has all happened for a reason and it has all made me who I am and brought me to where I am today and I would not trade a second of it to go back. I face 40 happy, healthy, and content, and for that I am thankful.
I will be your God throughout your lifetime -until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. - Isaiah 46:4
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Victoria
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Forgiveness... a simple word but a hard concept. I have had this word on my mind lately as I see a thousand Facebook posts with quotes about forgiving others, enemies, parents. I think about it as I listen to Christian radio and hear song after song about forgiveness. I pray about it as I read the Bible and see verse after verse about forgiving others as we have been forgiven. I have never really had a spirit of resentment, I don't hold a grudge or have anyone in my life that has really hurt me beyond what I could forgive, but I know people who have struggled with forgiveness...people close to me who maybe can't quite find it within to forgive completely. If I am being honest, I know that there are people I need to forgive. Maybe they haven't even hurt me directly, but have hurt someone close to me. I am not sure which is worse, having someone hurt me or having someone hurt someone I love. I think when the people closest to us are hurting or angry, we justify their hurt and resentment by making it our own. You know what I mean, maybe your children come home from school and tell you about a kid on the playground who was picking on them or called them a hurtful name and all of a sudden you are mad at that child too and that child's parents for raising such a little brat that would say hurtful things to your child, how dare they. Not only do they now need to forgive, but so do you, for the feelings you felt or the words you said. Forgiveness becomes harder when anger is justified, especially when you have someone sharing it with you. I know there are people I need to forgive. We all have people we need to forgive. Just because you know in your head what you should do doesn't mean it comes easy or that our spirit is willing to follow. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. What does forgiveness look like? What does it mean? How do you find it within?
I don't really have the answers to these questions so if you're expecting some enlightenment or words of wisdom here, you have probably come to the wrong place. I think forgiveness looks different for each person and in each circumstance. For some it may come in the form of a single moment of brokenness, a change of heart, a sudden willingness to repair a relationship. I think most of us picture a scene where the person who hurt us breaks down, apologizes, says I am sorry, repents to us, shows remorse and then we are able to break down that wall of anger and hurt and just let go and forgive, start over fresh with a clean slate. The Bible paints this kind of a model of forgiveness, as believers we are called to repentance. Christ came so we could be forgiven, but first there must be a moment of clarity, a moment where we see our sin for what it is and we become broken with our remorse, we have to apologize, confess, repent and then comes the forgiveness. I think this is why we get the idea that this is what it should look like, that forgive and forget is the way it should be because that is the way it works with God, but the reality is that we aren't God and there may not always be that moment. The person or people who hurt us may never come to a place of remorse, they may never utter those words we long to hear. They may not even know that it is important, they may not even know what exactly they did to hurt you, or they may not really be that sorry, then what do we do? What does forgiveness look like then? and how do we find it?
I think in these cases it is more of a process, it doesn't happen in an instant. I believe sometimes it comes slowly and with time, and it may never look like a dramatic, TV kind of moment where everyone is crying, hugging and restored. Forgiveness is really more about freeing up your heart and mind so that whoever hurt you doesn't hold a part of you hostage, it is about finding a spirit of peace within yourself. Could this just be kind of a letting go, an "I wish you well" attitude, without restoration? I used to not think so, but now I am not so sure. I think this kind of forgiveness can come in all kinds of forms. I am learning that maybe forgiving doesn't equal forgetting. Some hurts run deep, some things get inside and mess with our heads and our hearts to the point that we believe they are a part of us. Sometimes anger is easier to handle than hurt, sometimes building a wall of resentment is easier than breaking down, especially if the list of hurts is long. Maybe the person or people who hurt us didn't just say or do one thing, maybe it was a series of hurtful things, months, years, a lifetime of hurt. We may think that forgiving is giving the person an out, or that it shows weakness on our part, but I don't believe that is true. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean that everything is forgotten, the past is erased, or that we have to subject ourselves to more hurt. I think that it really can mean moving on. I think it can be as simple as an acknowledgement that no one is perfect, that we all make mistakes, and it doesn't have to define us. We don't have to allow ourselves to be drug back to the place where we felt belittled or inadequate. It is o.k. to forgive, move on, and not look back. Head games and heart games stay with us, especially when the person who hurt us is someone close to us, like a family member or a friend. The closer we are to someone, the deeper it goes and the more affect it can have on our lives, our minds, our hearts. It can help shape what we think and believe about ourselves. Words hurt and whoever said they don't lied! For example, hurtful abusive words said to a child never really leave, they will always have a part of them that remembers what was said and a part of them that will always believe it was true, even when they are grown. The same is true for adults, it is hard to remember the positive yet easy to remember the negative. The person who hurts us may have done a thousand nice things before the hurt and may spend a lifetime saying and doing nice things afterward but we will always remember the hurtful words and actions first. I don't think we ever really "outgrow" those kinds of feelings, but we can overcome them. We don't have to let our past hurt define who we are or influence who we become. This is where forgiveness becomes vital in our hearts and lives. Forgiveness doesn't wipe the slate clean, but it wipes our hearts clean so that we can make room for peace, love and God. God can make all things new. He can take those hurtful words, hurtful actions, abuse, neglect, lies, pain, whatever it is and He can replace it with His love, His peace, His comfort. All we have to do is find a path to forgiveness, a moment of release and then He can do the rest.
I don't have all the answers to forgiveness and I am still praying for those close to me who are struggling with the process. I pray that they can overcome and that I no longer justify their hurt and anger; however, I think that maybe instead of me waiting for the aha! moment or the storybook ending, I need to open my eyes to the fact that the process may have already started, that the letting go is the process, that maybe the moment of release has already happened, there is no looking back and God will work out the rest and that maybe I just need to join them on the path, let go and let God.
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom
I don't really have the answers to these questions so if you're expecting some enlightenment or words of wisdom here, you have probably come to the wrong place. I think forgiveness looks different for each person and in each circumstance. For some it may come in the form of a single moment of brokenness, a change of heart, a sudden willingness to repair a relationship. I think most of us picture a scene where the person who hurt us breaks down, apologizes, says I am sorry, repents to us, shows remorse and then we are able to break down that wall of anger and hurt and just let go and forgive, start over fresh with a clean slate. The Bible paints this kind of a model of forgiveness, as believers we are called to repentance. Christ came so we could be forgiven, but first there must be a moment of clarity, a moment where we see our sin for what it is and we become broken with our remorse, we have to apologize, confess, repent and then comes the forgiveness. I think this is why we get the idea that this is what it should look like, that forgive and forget is the way it should be because that is the way it works with God, but the reality is that we aren't God and there may not always be that moment. The person or people who hurt us may never come to a place of remorse, they may never utter those words we long to hear. They may not even know that it is important, they may not even know what exactly they did to hurt you, or they may not really be that sorry, then what do we do? What does forgiveness look like then? and how do we find it?
I think in these cases it is more of a process, it doesn't happen in an instant. I believe sometimes it comes slowly and with time, and it may never look like a dramatic, TV kind of moment where everyone is crying, hugging and restored. Forgiveness is really more about freeing up your heart and mind so that whoever hurt you doesn't hold a part of you hostage, it is about finding a spirit of peace within yourself. Could this just be kind of a letting go, an "I wish you well" attitude, without restoration? I used to not think so, but now I am not so sure. I think this kind of forgiveness can come in all kinds of forms. I am learning that maybe forgiving doesn't equal forgetting. Some hurts run deep, some things get inside and mess with our heads and our hearts to the point that we believe they are a part of us. Sometimes anger is easier to handle than hurt, sometimes building a wall of resentment is easier than breaking down, especially if the list of hurts is long. Maybe the person or people who hurt us didn't just say or do one thing, maybe it was a series of hurtful things, months, years, a lifetime of hurt. We may think that forgiving is giving the person an out, or that it shows weakness on our part, but I don't believe that is true. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean that everything is forgotten, the past is erased, or that we have to subject ourselves to more hurt. I think that it really can mean moving on. I think it can be as simple as an acknowledgement that no one is perfect, that we all make mistakes, and it doesn't have to define us. We don't have to allow ourselves to be drug back to the place where we felt belittled or inadequate. It is o.k. to forgive, move on, and not look back. Head games and heart games stay with us, especially when the person who hurt us is someone close to us, like a family member or a friend. The closer we are to someone, the deeper it goes and the more affect it can have on our lives, our minds, our hearts. It can help shape what we think and believe about ourselves. Words hurt and whoever said they don't lied! For example, hurtful abusive words said to a child never really leave, they will always have a part of them that remembers what was said and a part of them that will always believe it was true, even when they are grown. The same is true for adults, it is hard to remember the positive yet easy to remember the negative. The person who hurts us may have done a thousand nice things before the hurt and may spend a lifetime saying and doing nice things afterward but we will always remember the hurtful words and actions first. I don't think we ever really "outgrow" those kinds of feelings, but we can overcome them. We don't have to let our past hurt define who we are or influence who we become. This is where forgiveness becomes vital in our hearts and lives. Forgiveness doesn't wipe the slate clean, but it wipes our hearts clean so that we can make room for peace, love and God. God can make all things new. He can take those hurtful words, hurtful actions, abuse, neglect, lies, pain, whatever it is and He can replace it with His love, His peace, His comfort. All we have to do is find a path to forgiveness, a moment of release and then He can do the rest.
I don't have all the answers to forgiveness and I am still praying for those close to me who are struggling with the process. I pray that they can overcome and that I no longer justify their hurt and anger; however, I think that maybe instead of me waiting for the aha! moment or the storybook ending, I need to open my eyes to the fact that the process may have already started, that the letting go is the process, that maybe the moment of release has already happened, there is no looking back and God will work out the rest and that maybe I just need to join them on the path, let go and let God.
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom
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Victoria
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Lydia laughed as she brought me the Barbie, "Look Mommy, she broke her arms." I looked down at the armless Barbie, but I wasn't laughing. "How did she break her arms?" Her response was hard to make out because of the giggling laughter " I couldn't get her shirt off so I pulled them too hard I think and they broke" I scolded her for being destructive and told her we would have to throw the Barbie away because there was no way to fix her arms. Lydia just shrugged it off and went back to playing with her other Barbie Dolls. A week later Emma brings me a drum she had gotten as a souvenir from Tweetsie. She had pulled the top and bottom off and un-threaded the string around it and tied it in knots, it was ruined. When I questioned her as to why she did it, her response was that it was old and she didn't really want it anymore anyway. When did my children decide it was o.k. to destroy and tear up their things? The sad part is that the Barbie and drum aren't the only items, this has been going on for a while now. Broken toys, missing pieces, stuff thrown around and stuffed in closets, torn papers, wasted papers and broken crayons. I looked around and realized that they just don't really care. They have so much stuff, they don't even care when something is torn, broken, missing. They have become so used to having, they aren't grateful for it anymore. Time for a change.
My children have too much stuff. They have never really wanted for anything. They have been spoiled, they have been lavished with stuff. In our defense, they do not get toys when we go to the store. We have never bought them anything just for no reason, they don't go toy shopping during the year. We don't bribe them with toys or award them with toys. In their defense, they have never thrown a fit for a toy or a tantrum, they never ask for things when we are shopping and have never fussed, complained or pouted when we say no. These are all good things, but then the holidays come around, the special vacation trips, birthdays... and we make up for it by buying, buying, and buying. They get lots of gifts at each holiday, from multiple family members. My parents, Jason's parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and extended family. They get a windfall almost every holiday or special occasion. They have toys in every room of our home. We donate every year before Christmas, we make them give up some things, but for every box that goes, three more come in. It is overwhelming and ridiculous and it has created a sense of ungratefulness, it has become expected and no longer allows them to value what they own. If you have 12 Barbie Dolls, why do you care if one gets broken, if you have 10 baby dolls, why does it matter if you leave one in the rain, if you have a whole closet full of art supplies, why do you care if you leave all the paint out to dry up? There is always more, there is always a replacement. Things don't matter, you don't cherish what you have. I began to explain it to them, "If you only had 2 Barbie's would you think it was funny to break one?" I am guessing no. So it begins.... change.
We are cleaning out toys. My children are cutting their possessions in half and in some cases more. It has not been easy. Emma cried when I told her she had to get rid of over 25 stuffed animals that were piled up on her bed, she hugged and kissed each one as she packed it up. Lydia cried when I told her she could only keep 3 baby dolls and all the rest had to go. I felt bad watching them give up toys that had cost us a lot of money and games like Candyland, that they have outgrown, but that held sweet memories of when they were little. Emma and I both struggled as we sorted out her books. We love books! and it was hard to get rid of some of them. A book called Some Dog, that I remember holding her on my lap and reading to her, Little Golden books that she would sit and read to me cuddled up close, but it is time for them to go. She reads chapter books now, someone else can use those books, and toys, and dolls. Someone who maybe doesn't have anything.
Emma decided to donate her stuffed animals to the Shelter Home, for children who have had to leave abusive situations, sometimes with only the clothes on their back. Lydia wants to donate her books to the library for the children who can't afford books. We decided to give some dolls and toys to a little girl we know whose family just lost everything in a fire. I had given her a lot of clothes last week, but no toys. We decided toys would be good too. Luckily my girls have never really been brats over what they have, they have never expected things or had an attitude of entitlement, at least outwardly, but they have come to be ungrateful and unappreciative in their hearts. They have forgotten that someone took their time and effort to buy them these things because they are loved and because they care. They have forgotten that there are children the world over that would cherish and love just one doll, or one animal, or one crayon, who would never think about laughing if it broke or became lost.
So far Operation clean-up has been a success. My house is cleaner than it has been in 5 years. As their rooms get cleaner and more organized, my children are starting to enjoy parting with things, and everyone is happier. It is a difficult lesson to learn seeing as how this world and culture we live in tells us more is better, bigger is better and your success is measured by what you own. I am thankful that God has allowed this to be a time of teaching. Teaching our children about what it means to give and think about others needs ahead of our own. Teach them to appreciate what they have and to never take their blessings for granted. That our success comes in loving God, putting others before our selves and growing more like Christ. This is where our abundance should be, not in earthly possessions, in Christ!
“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." Matthew 6:19-21
My children have too much stuff. They have never really wanted for anything. They have been spoiled, they have been lavished with stuff. In our defense, they do not get toys when we go to the store. We have never bought them anything just for no reason, they don't go toy shopping during the year. We don't bribe them with toys or award them with toys. In their defense, they have never thrown a fit for a toy or a tantrum, they never ask for things when we are shopping and have never fussed, complained or pouted when we say no. These are all good things, but then the holidays come around, the special vacation trips, birthdays... and we make up for it by buying, buying, and buying. They get lots of gifts at each holiday, from multiple family members. My parents, Jason's parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and extended family. They get a windfall almost every holiday or special occasion. They have toys in every room of our home. We donate every year before Christmas, we make them give up some things, but for every box that goes, three more come in. It is overwhelming and ridiculous and it has created a sense of ungratefulness, it has become expected and no longer allows them to value what they own. If you have 12 Barbie Dolls, why do you care if one gets broken, if you have 10 baby dolls, why does it matter if you leave one in the rain, if you have a whole closet full of art supplies, why do you care if you leave all the paint out to dry up? There is always more, there is always a replacement. Things don't matter, you don't cherish what you have. I began to explain it to them, "If you only had 2 Barbie's would you think it was funny to break one?" I am guessing no. So it begins.... change.
We are cleaning out toys. My children are cutting their possessions in half and in some cases more. It has not been easy. Emma cried when I told her she had to get rid of over 25 stuffed animals that were piled up on her bed, she hugged and kissed each one as she packed it up. Lydia cried when I told her she could only keep 3 baby dolls and all the rest had to go. I felt bad watching them give up toys that had cost us a lot of money and games like Candyland, that they have outgrown, but that held sweet memories of when they were little. Emma and I both struggled as we sorted out her books. We love books! and it was hard to get rid of some of them. A book called Some Dog, that I remember holding her on my lap and reading to her, Little Golden books that she would sit and read to me cuddled up close, but it is time for them to go. She reads chapter books now, someone else can use those books, and toys, and dolls. Someone who maybe doesn't have anything.
Emma decided to donate her stuffed animals to the Shelter Home, for children who have had to leave abusive situations, sometimes with only the clothes on their back. Lydia wants to donate her books to the library for the children who can't afford books. We decided to give some dolls and toys to a little girl we know whose family just lost everything in a fire. I had given her a lot of clothes last week, but no toys. We decided toys would be good too. Luckily my girls have never really been brats over what they have, they have never expected things or had an attitude of entitlement, at least outwardly, but they have come to be ungrateful and unappreciative in their hearts. They have forgotten that someone took their time and effort to buy them these things because they are loved and because they care. They have forgotten that there are children the world over that would cherish and love just one doll, or one animal, or one crayon, who would never think about laughing if it broke or became lost.
So far Operation clean-up has been a success. My house is cleaner than it has been in 5 years. As their rooms get cleaner and more organized, my children are starting to enjoy parting with things, and everyone is happier. It is a difficult lesson to learn seeing as how this world and culture we live in tells us more is better, bigger is better and your success is measured by what you own. I am thankful that God has allowed this to be a time of teaching. Teaching our children about what it means to give and think about others needs ahead of our own. Teach them to appreciate what they have and to never take their blessings for granted. That our success comes in loving God, putting others before our selves and growing more like Christ. This is where our abundance should be, not in earthly possessions, in Christ!
“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." Matthew 6:19-21
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Victoria
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I love DIY shows. I love watching people transform the old into the new. I love watching HGTV and DIY network. I love getting ideas, planning, having the vision of what my house should and could look like. There are only two things standing the way of my house being pinned to Pinterest and being featured in Southern Living.
The first one being named Victoria. While I love the idea of DIY, the planning and envisioning the end product, I do not know how to execute the plan. I am a force to be reckoned with during the deconstruction and break down phase of home improvement. For instance at our old house, I got the vision of replacing my carpet with hardwood floors. I thought about how beautiful wood flooring would look throughout the entire front of the house, down the hall, and in the master bedroom. I picked out what I wanted by browsing the web, I measured the square footage. I rationalized that it would be cleaner, allergen free, and easy to maintain, and then one day while Jason was off at work I just decided to rip all the carpet out. By myself.... and throw it on the lawn...with the padding... and all the nails. I used a box cutter to cut around the furniture I couldn't move and voila an hour later or so, the destruction phase was complete. The carpet was gone replaced by the vision of cheap sub flooring and 1970's gold and brown linoleum which was a little surprise I wasn't really expecting and come to find out neither was Jason when he came home. He also wasn't expecting all the carpet gone and laying the front yard...in pieces. Which brings me to the second thing standing in the way of my DIY dreams. Jason.
Jason does not share my vision of home improvement. He is happy with the house looking normal and plain. While I am the dreamer, he is the realist. He is the one who reminds me of budget and the work involved. I like to plan it, but he is the one that has to build it. I demolish, but he has to reconstruct, and he isn't a big fan of that partnership. When I ripped out the carpet, he about had a heart attack because I didn't know that 3 or 4 dollars a square foot would translate into 1000 dollars when we laid it down. I didn't know about things like molding strips and dividers and special saws to cut it. I didn't know about backing and leveling sub floor. I didn't know that 1970's linoleum has asbestos and that it has to be professionally removed by a hazmat team or that it was glued to the sub floor. Three months later after living basically on corkboard and bad linoleum, I finally had wood flooring- laminate wood flooring because that was all the budget could cover on the spur of the moment. Jason had to work overtime to pay for it and my Dad and him rebuilt the sub floor, removed all the carpet fragments and laid all the new floor down themselves. In my defense I cooked for them and made the tea, and I was a great cheerleader of how well they were doing and bragged endlessly on how nice it looked afterward- so see it all worked out in the end ( o.k. kind of)
This is what brings me to today's DIY disaster. I am choosing to blame Pinterest because let's face it, we live in an age of blame and it isn't really my fault that Pinterest made refinishing your bathroom look so easy...and cute. Why buy a new bathroom cabinet, which would be a lot of money and work, when we can just refinish the one we have? I got a vision. I had a brainstorm and this time I let Jason in on it, but it didn't help, or change the outcome. He said it would be work, he said it would be costly, he said it was a ridiculous waste of time, but he knows that once I get the idea, it is a done deal. I ripped the cabinet apart, dismantled the doors and drawers, purchased sanding stuff, paint, primer, tape, brushes, rollers, and stain ( how much was that new cabinet again?) and now as usual, here we are a month later with a dismantled bathroom. The walls are painted, but everything else is a shambles. The cabinet has now been sanded and painted twice. Once it was antique white, but thanks to my lack of a carpentry degree, it had to be completely sanded down and started over. The frame for the mirror is not done, it had to be re- cut...twice. The contents of the drawers and cabinets are in my bedroom. The shower curtain is precariously hung in order to get us by. Jason is a testament to the saying Patience is a virtue. He hasn't said a word as I keep purchasing more paint and sand paper and tape. He patiently asks for a towel since there are no bars up to hang them on. He fishes through our bedroom looking for hairspray and deodorant and he has sanded and sanded and sanded for me since who knew that was such a hard job. Instead of an episode of BATHtastic we are an episode of Renovation Realities. We will get it done- eventually, we always do. It will look cute- eventually. I always make sure of that, but I think in the future I better stick to pinning recipes and hairstyles because Pinterest home improvement ideas just don't work in the Hartman home.
The first one being named Victoria. While I love the idea of DIY, the planning and envisioning the end product, I do not know how to execute the plan. I am a force to be reckoned with during the deconstruction and break down phase of home improvement. For instance at our old house, I got the vision of replacing my carpet with hardwood floors. I thought about how beautiful wood flooring would look throughout the entire front of the house, down the hall, and in the master bedroom. I picked out what I wanted by browsing the web, I measured the square footage. I rationalized that it would be cleaner, allergen free, and easy to maintain, and then one day while Jason was off at work I just decided to rip all the carpet out. By myself.... and throw it on the lawn...with the padding... and all the nails. I used a box cutter to cut around the furniture I couldn't move and voila an hour later or so, the destruction phase was complete. The carpet was gone replaced by the vision of cheap sub flooring and 1970's gold and brown linoleum which was a little surprise I wasn't really expecting and come to find out neither was Jason when he came home. He also wasn't expecting all the carpet gone and laying the front yard...in pieces. Which brings me to the second thing standing in the way of my DIY dreams. Jason.
Jason does not share my vision of home improvement. He is happy with the house looking normal and plain. While I am the dreamer, he is the realist. He is the one who reminds me of budget and the work involved. I like to plan it, but he is the one that has to build it. I demolish, but he has to reconstruct, and he isn't a big fan of that partnership. When I ripped out the carpet, he about had a heart attack because I didn't know that 3 or 4 dollars a square foot would translate into 1000 dollars when we laid it down. I didn't know about things like molding strips and dividers and special saws to cut it. I didn't know about backing and leveling sub floor. I didn't know that 1970's linoleum has asbestos and that it has to be professionally removed by a hazmat team or that it was glued to the sub floor. Three months later after living basically on corkboard and bad linoleum, I finally had wood flooring- laminate wood flooring because that was all the budget could cover on the spur of the moment. Jason had to work overtime to pay for it and my Dad and him rebuilt the sub floor, removed all the carpet fragments and laid all the new floor down themselves. In my defense I cooked for them and made the tea, and I was a great cheerleader of how well they were doing and bragged endlessly on how nice it looked afterward- so see it all worked out in the end ( o.k. kind of)
This is what brings me to today's DIY disaster. I am choosing to blame Pinterest because let's face it, we live in an age of blame and it isn't really my fault that Pinterest made refinishing your bathroom look so easy...and cute. Why buy a new bathroom cabinet, which would be a lot of money and work, when we can just refinish the one we have? I got a vision. I had a brainstorm and this time I let Jason in on it, but it didn't help, or change the outcome. He said it would be work, he said it would be costly, he said it was a ridiculous waste of time, but he knows that once I get the idea, it is a done deal. I ripped the cabinet apart, dismantled the doors and drawers, purchased sanding stuff, paint, primer, tape, brushes, rollers, and stain ( how much was that new cabinet again?) and now as usual, here we are a month later with a dismantled bathroom. The walls are painted, but everything else is a shambles. The cabinet has now been sanded and painted twice. Once it was antique white, but thanks to my lack of a carpentry degree, it had to be completely sanded down and started over. The frame for the mirror is not done, it had to be re- cut...twice. The contents of the drawers and cabinets are in my bedroom. The shower curtain is precariously hung in order to get us by. Jason is a testament to the saying Patience is a virtue. He hasn't said a word as I keep purchasing more paint and sand paper and tape. He patiently asks for a towel since there are no bars up to hang them on. He fishes through our bedroom looking for hairspray and deodorant and he has sanded and sanded and sanded for me since who knew that was such a hard job. Instead of an episode of BATHtastic we are an episode of Renovation Realities. We will get it done- eventually, we always do. It will look cute- eventually. I always make sure of that, but I think in the future I better stick to pinning recipes and hairstyles because Pinterest home improvement ideas just don't work in the Hartman home.
Posted by
Victoria
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Summer is so filled with activity that I sometimes forget to stop and smell the roses, of course I don't literally stop and smell any flowers in the Summer because I hate bugs, but that is beside the point. I started this blog originally to record thoughts and memories for my girls to enjoy later, I need to write something. I have been thinking about what we have done this Summer and what has been going on. I have stopped and reflected and here are a few things I have learned during this Summer vacation.
I have learned that the excitement of school ending lasts about two weeks. I remember the countdown to the last day. Emma so excited about cleaning out her desk and finishing her tests. Lydia checking the calendar everyday to see when it was over and bringing home all of her folders and reading charts. I couldn't wait to sleep in and not have to pack lunches and help with homework. The anticipation of Summer was so thick in the air you could taste it and then it was here. The last hugs from teachers, the principal waving in the parking lot, the buses honking their goodbyes. Two weeks later, reality hit. The girls missed their friends. The weather was humid, hot, and miserable. Bugs buzz and bite. A lot! The realization that the only real playmate they were going to have day in and day out was the Sister they couldn't get along with for more than five minutes at a time only served to dampen the mood. As for me, I learned that whether the alarm is set or not, it isn't going to change the 7am wake up call. Once you have children the fantasy that there will ever be a time when you can sleep uninterrupted until the sun is all the way up in the sky is shattered until the teen years, if it isn't the children waking me up, it is the dog whose internal alarm is not effected by the changing of the seasons. Don't get me wrong, we are having fun. Vacation came and went in a blur, Church activities and play dates have occupied the time. Popsicle snacks and watermelon cookouts with friends and family have been fun, but I have learned that in reality we look forward to school being in as much as we do getting out. Summer could really be about a month long and we could handle it.
I have learned that my children are growing up at an alarming rate. Emma just celebrated her 9th year on this Earth and it is shocking how fast that time has flown. I looked back at photos of her in the hospital and told her the story of her birth and it seemed like yesterday. She has matured so much since last Summer. When I look at her now, I don't see the chubby cheeks, wispy hair and gap toothed grin from last year. She looks older, she acts more mature. She doesn't drag out endless toys and sing silly songs, she reads on her Kindle and sings along to One Direction. She talks on the phone and calls my Mom by herself. She paints her own toes, takes her own showers, and makes her own breakfast. She rolls her eyes and puffs like a teenager when I scold her. She still gets silly and plays with dolls. She still likes picnics and cartoons, but the transition has begun. It is scary and wonderful all at the same time. I praise her when she is independent and mature, but I cringe at the fact that she needs me less and less for the everyday things. I love that she can have a conversation on my level, but I worry about the things I have to talk about with her. Lydia is no longer the baby. She is losing teeth and making toast. She reads magazines and sings pop songs. She watches Good Luck Charlie instead of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She is wearing clothes her Sister can still wear. Being around them all day everyday has opened my eyes to the changes that have taken place in just one school year. I am thankful for the people they are becoming but afraid of the responsibility that I now have to them, not just to care for their needs, but to shape their character and instill their values. It is more important than ever for me to be a Godly example to them and it is becoming more urgent than ever to plant Christ firmly in their hearts and minds.
I have learned that I sometimes take my husband for granted. I have seen more and more of my friends and family separating and divorcing. The older we get the more statistics catch up with us. Five years ago I only knew a couple of my friends that were split up but now I only know a couple who are still together. I take for granted sometimes how blessed I am. Jason and I are becoming one of the rare ones that are making it despite the numbers and statistics that the world throws at us almost daily. We weren't expected to make it, most people thought we wouldn't make it. When we met, we were young, we were immature, we had totally different lives. I was older, he was younger. I was working, he didn't even have a work permit. I had a new car, he didn't even have a license. I had started a career, he had started high school. I was a "good girl" who rarely broke the rules, made good grades, could count on one hand how many times I had been grounded. He was a "bad boy". He was always breaking the rules, didn't care about school, and had a reputation that worried my family and friends. Everyone thought we were crazy to think we could stay together. A betting person would not have bet on us, but God had other plans. He answers prayer and He changes lives. Here we are 20 years later. We have grown up, grown wiser and grown closer. He is a great husband and a great Father to our girls. He works so hard so I can stay home. He never complains when the house is a mess or the chores didn't get done. He never tells me I can't go anywhere and he watches the girls willingly and without complaint anytime I want or need him to. He goes to school functions, gymnastics and even Brownie outings. He has been on field trips and tea parties. He takes me shopping and takes the girls on dates. He always spends money on us first and him last. He never says anything about the way I look and tells me I am beautiful even when I am in lounging clothes and a ponytail for the 5th day this week. He still surprises me with dates, hugs and kisses me while I am cooking, holds me close when we are watching TV. He loves the Lord and always puts God and his family first. He is quiet and stays in the background and doesn't like attention, but he is my rock and he balances me in a way that no one else ever could. He has been through a lot in his life that he never talks about or shares, but he has always pushed himself to do more than he thinks he can and accomplish more than people ever expect, and he does it quietly without the need for praise. He is the strongest person I know. I have never seen him cry. Ever. (o.k. once, years and years ago, but we won't go there...just so you know, it is possible, he does have feelings, he just doesn't let them out much. He is an expert at hiding them...lol) He has held me up and held me close and when I need him most he is always there. He makes me feel safe and secure and loved. God brought us together for a reason and He has kept us together. God is the key. Love is a choice, and we have to daily choose each other. I rarely tell him thank you for all of this and I take for granted that this is the norm, but I am learning that it most definitely is not and that God has blessed me beyond measure. In the midst of Summer activity, heat and humidity and craziness, I have learned that God is faithful, time is precious and family is love and not an ounce of any of it should be taken for granted.
I have learned that the excitement of school ending lasts about two weeks. I remember the countdown to the last day. Emma so excited about cleaning out her desk and finishing her tests. Lydia checking the calendar everyday to see when it was over and bringing home all of her folders and reading charts. I couldn't wait to sleep in and not have to pack lunches and help with homework. The anticipation of Summer was so thick in the air you could taste it and then it was here. The last hugs from teachers, the principal waving in the parking lot, the buses honking their goodbyes. Two weeks later, reality hit. The girls missed their friends. The weather was humid, hot, and miserable. Bugs buzz and bite. A lot! The realization that the only real playmate they were going to have day in and day out was the Sister they couldn't get along with for more than five minutes at a time only served to dampen the mood. As for me, I learned that whether the alarm is set or not, it isn't going to change the 7am wake up call. Once you have children the fantasy that there will ever be a time when you can sleep uninterrupted until the sun is all the way up in the sky is shattered until the teen years, if it isn't the children waking me up, it is the dog whose internal alarm is not effected by the changing of the seasons. Don't get me wrong, we are having fun. Vacation came and went in a blur, Church activities and play dates have occupied the time. Popsicle snacks and watermelon cookouts with friends and family have been fun, but I have learned that in reality we look forward to school being in as much as we do getting out. Summer could really be about a month long and we could handle it.
I have learned that my children are growing up at an alarming rate. Emma just celebrated her 9th year on this Earth and it is shocking how fast that time has flown. I looked back at photos of her in the hospital and told her the story of her birth and it seemed like yesterday. She has matured so much since last Summer. When I look at her now, I don't see the chubby cheeks, wispy hair and gap toothed grin from last year. She looks older, she acts more mature. She doesn't drag out endless toys and sing silly songs, she reads on her Kindle and sings along to One Direction. She talks on the phone and calls my Mom by herself. She paints her own toes, takes her own showers, and makes her own breakfast. She rolls her eyes and puffs like a teenager when I scold her. She still gets silly and plays with dolls. She still likes picnics and cartoons, but the transition has begun. It is scary and wonderful all at the same time. I praise her when she is independent and mature, but I cringe at the fact that she needs me less and less for the everyday things. I love that she can have a conversation on my level, but I worry about the things I have to talk about with her. Lydia is no longer the baby. She is losing teeth and making toast. She reads magazines and sings pop songs. She watches Good Luck Charlie instead of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She is wearing clothes her Sister can still wear. Being around them all day everyday has opened my eyes to the changes that have taken place in just one school year. I am thankful for the people they are becoming but afraid of the responsibility that I now have to them, not just to care for their needs, but to shape their character and instill their values. It is more important than ever for me to be a Godly example to them and it is becoming more urgent than ever to plant Christ firmly in their hearts and minds.
I have learned that I sometimes take my husband for granted. I have seen more and more of my friends and family separating and divorcing. The older we get the more statistics catch up with us. Five years ago I only knew a couple of my friends that were split up but now I only know a couple who are still together. I take for granted sometimes how blessed I am. Jason and I are becoming one of the rare ones that are making it despite the numbers and statistics that the world throws at us almost daily. We weren't expected to make it, most people thought we wouldn't make it. When we met, we were young, we were immature, we had totally different lives. I was older, he was younger. I was working, he didn't even have a work permit. I had a new car, he didn't even have a license. I had started a career, he had started high school. I was a "good girl" who rarely broke the rules, made good grades, could count on one hand how many times I had been grounded. He was a "bad boy". He was always breaking the rules, didn't care about school, and had a reputation that worried my family and friends. Everyone thought we were crazy to think we could stay together. A betting person would not have bet on us, but God had other plans. He answers prayer and He changes lives. Here we are 20 years later. We have grown up, grown wiser and grown closer. He is a great husband and a great Father to our girls. He works so hard so I can stay home. He never complains when the house is a mess or the chores didn't get done. He never tells me I can't go anywhere and he watches the girls willingly and without complaint anytime I want or need him to. He goes to school functions, gymnastics and even Brownie outings. He has been on field trips and tea parties. He takes me shopping and takes the girls on dates. He always spends money on us first and him last. He never says anything about the way I look and tells me I am beautiful even when I am in lounging clothes and a ponytail for the 5th day this week. He still surprises me with dates, hugs and kisses me while I am cooking, holds me close when we are watching TV. He loves the Lord and always puts God and his family first. He is quiet and stays in the background and doesn't like attention, but he is my rock and he balances me in a way that no one else ever could. He has been through a lot in his life that he never talks about or shares, but he has always pushed himself to do more than he thinks he can and accomplish more than people ever expect, and he does it quietly without the need for praise. He is the strongest person I know. I have never seen him cry. Ever. (o.k. once, years and years ago, but we won't go there...just so you know, it is possible, he does have feelings, he just doesn't let them out much. He is an expert at hiding them...lol) He has held me up and held me close and when I need him most he is always there. He makes me feel safe and secure and loved. God brought us together for a reason and He has kept us together. God is the key. Love is a choice, and we have to daily choose each other. I rarely tell him thank you for all of this and I take for granted that this is the norm, but I am learning that it most definitely is not and that God has blessed me beyond measure. In the midst of Summer activity, heat and humidity and craziness, I have learned that God is faithful, time is precious and family is love and not an ounce of any of it should be taken for granted.
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Victoria
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Sometimes the strangest things get me thinking and analyzing my life. This week all it took was a simple statement by my youngest daughter " I am glad that you and Daddy never fight." My first thought was Yes, we do! but after I thought for a minute, I realized that while we do disagree and we have days where we are grumpy with each other, she is right, she probably hasn't ever seen us "fight" ( and by fight I mean argue, not physically fight!), and that made me unhappy. I know it sounds crazy, but I have really thought about that a lot this week. Why? Because I don't want my children to live in the fantasy that every marriage is perfect and that we always get along. How will they know how to deal with conflict and how will they know that things can and do get worked out? The world we live in teaches that if you're unhappy or you can't agree just split up and move on. Our world teaches that love is a feeling and that it should come easy and you shouldn't have to work to maintain it. Divorce is a 50/50 thing. The world teaches that it is easier to cut your losses and move on than it is to work for it, fight for it, change. I truly believe that sometimes divorce is the only option, and that it is the only answer in some cases. I want my girls to know that they should not tolerate abuse. EVER! Either physical, mental or verbal. I want them to know that in some cases there is no other answer but to part ways, but for the day to day stuff, the I don't think I like you right now stuff, I want my girls to know that it can be done. That just because you disagree or just because you raise your voice doesn't mean that it is over. This is what bothered me about her statement, I need them to know that life is not all roses and sweetness, and that there will be arguments, there will be disagreements, there will be days when love requires work and solutions mean compromise. I want them to know that just because you don't like someone right this minute doesn't mean that you don't love them. forever.
Jason and I have been together for a long time. In a sense, we have grown up together, and it has not always been easy. We dated five years before we got married. I came from a family that worked things out, my parents have always been married. I saw them fight occasionally. I saw them yell and fuss. I remember my Mom telling me that it was healthy to "clear the air" once in a while and that it was good to "let things out". I also remember them always working it out, not always easy, not always the way each of them would like, but always together. Jason, not quite the same upbringing. He saw lots of things too, but not always good things. His household was the complete opposite of mine. When we were dating, he had a quick temper, and I had a quick mouth. I knew he had a hard time controlling his temper, and yet I would push him right to the limit. I was hard headed and stubborn and rarely said I was sorry. He would throw things and punch things, but thank God he was always able to know when to leave, walk away and cool down, most of the time no thanks to me. I would get pulled into his temper and that made for some crazy moments that aren't worth sharing. We struggled through a lot of issues that he was dealing with and a lot of mess we brought on ourselves, but we made it and I decided that I would make changes before we got married, and we did... kind of.
When we got married, neither of us had ever lived out on our own. We had never had to manage finances or run a home. I came from a fairly strict household, with rules and curfews and expectations. He came from a household where he had done exactly what he wanted for a long time, no rules, no curfews, no expectations. It took a while for us to figure out a balance in those two things, and while we didn't argue near as much after we were married, we still had lots of things to work out. Our fights took on a different tone. I discovered that even when we don't choose to blame our upbringing for our weaknesses and even if we strive to rise above family issues, the reality is our upbringing shapes who we are, and with that can come a lot of things that shape our thoughts and our ideas. Our experiences and our parent's examples are ingrained in us and become a part of us, both the good and the bad. I really think that Jason believed every time we disagreed that I was leaving. He would act surprised to come home and still find a household and a wife there. I think he had low expectations for a lasting marriage. I think I believed that I was always right and that I was going to make him see things my way at any cost, and that he had seen what not to do, so he should just know what he should do. I think I had too many expectations for a lasting marriage. I needed to remember what I had been taught and how my parents worked out their problems. I needed to remember how they "cleared the air", how they prayed, how they chose to love, even when it was hard.
Life really changed for me when someone gave me the book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. I read that book reluctantly, but it completely changed the way I thought. The book teaches you how to pray for your husband, not just a passing prayer, but how to pray over every part of him, from the little mundane things to the deep inner parts. I began to practice the lessons in that book. I prayed for him like never before. I realized through that process that I am only responsible to change me. I can pray for him, but I can only change me. I began to pray that God would open my eyes to what I needed to change about myself. I learned that love is not just a feeling, love is a choice, love is work! Hard work sometimes, but with the work and through the choice comes the feeling. The feeling of love is the product of all the work. JOY- Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. I needed to put God at the beginning, Jason next and myself last. I needed to practice in my heart what I knew in my head.
Now here we are, and according to Lydia's statement, we have come a long way. Jason and I know each other, inside and out. We know how each other works, we know what our strengths are and what are weaknesses are. She is right, we hardly ever really argue. He still has things that he struggles with and I still have things I struggle with. We still have things that we disagree about and little things that annoy us about each other at times, but we are older and wiser... and tired. We have learned to put God first and each other second. We have learned to pray through our troubles. I have learned that it is o.k. to be humble, say I am sorry, close my mouth. Jason has learned that it is possible to simply clear the air, let it out and move on. Love doesn't have to mean war. Marriage can be fun and happy, and yes, you can "feel" love, everyday and forever. I want my girls to see that lesson as well. I want them to see us disagree, raise our voices, and show weakness. They need to see their Mommy cry ( every now and then) so that they know it will be o.k., it isn't the end. They need to see us pray and say I am Sorry and ask forgiveness and compromise. They need to see that there are healthy ways to disagree, that everyone has bad days and everyone gets angry sometimes, but it is about talking, working it out, and moving on. They need to see what real love looks like, both the good and the bad. Every problem does not have to lead to divorce, sometimes you just have to clear the air to find fresh love!
Jason and I have been together for a long time. In a sense, we have grown up together, and it has not always been easy. We dated five years before we got married. I came from a family that worked things out, my parents have always been married. I saw them fight occasionally. I saw them yell and fuss. I remember my Mom telling me that it was healthy to "clear the air" once in a while and that it was good to "let things out". I also remember them always working it out, not always easy, not always the way each of them would like, but always together. Jason, not quite the same upbringing. He saw lots of things too, but not always good things. His household was the complete opposite of mine. When we were dating, he had a quick temper, and I had a quick mouth. I knew he had a hard time controlling his temper, and yet I would push him right to the limit. I was hard headed and stubborn and rarely said I was sorry. He would throw things and punch things, but thank God he was always able to know when to leave, walk away and cool down, most of the time no thanks to me. I would get pulled into his temper and that made for some crazy moments that aren't worth sharing. We struggled through a lot of issues that he was dealing with and a lot of mess we brought on ourselves, but we made it and I decided that I would make changes before we got married, and we did... kind of.
When we got married, neither of us had ever lived out on our own. We had never had to manage finances or run a home. I came from a fairly strict household, with rules and curfews and expectations. He came from a household where he had done exactly what he wanted for a long time, no rules, no curfews, no expectations. It took a while for us to figure out a balance in those two things, and while we didn't argue near as much after we were married, we still had lots of things to work out. Our fights took on a different tone. I discovered that even when we don't choose to blame our upbringing for our weaknesses and even if we strive to rise above family issues, the reality is our upbringing shapes who we are, and with that can come a lot of things that shape our thoughts and our ideas. Our experiences and our parent's examples are ingrained in us and become a part of us, both the good and the bad. I really think that Jason believed every time we disagreed that I was leaving. He would act surprised to come home and still find a household and a wife there. I think he had low expectations for a lasting marriage. I think I believed that I was always right and that I was going to make him see things my way at any cost, and that he had seen what not to do, so he should just know what he should do. I think I had too many expectations for a lasting marriage. I needed to remember what I had been taught and how my parents worked out their problems. I needed to remember how they "cleared the air", how they prayed, how they chose to love, even when it was hard.
Life really changed for me when someone gave me the book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. I read that book reluctantly, but it completely changed the way I thought. The book teaches you how to pray for your husband, not just a passing prayer, but how to pray over every part of him, from the little mundane things to the deep inner parts. I began to practice the lessons in that book. I prayed for him like never before. I realized through that process that I am only responsible to change me. I can pray for him, but I can only change me. I began to pray that God would open my eyes to what I needed to change about myself. I learned that love is not just a feeling, love is a choice, love is work! Hard work sometimes, but with the work and through the choice comes the feeling. The feeling of love is the product of all the work. JOY- Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. I needed to put God at the beginning, Jason next and myself last. I needed to practice in my heart what I knew in my head.
Now here we are, and according to Lydia's statement, we have come a long way. Jason and I know each other, inside and out. We know how each other works, we know what our strengths are and what are weaknesses are. She is right, we hardly ever really argue. He still has things that he struggles with and I still have things I struggle with. We still have things that we disagree about and little things that annoy us about each other at times, but we are older and wiser... and tired. We have learned to put God first and each other second. We have learned to pray through our troubles. I have learned that it is o.k. to be humble, say I am sorry, close my mouth. Jason has learned that it is possible to simply clear the air, let it out and move on. Love doesn't have to mean war. Marriage can be fun and happy, and yes, you can "feel" love, everyday and forever. I want my girls to see that lesson as well. I want them to see us disagree, raise our voices, and show weakness. They need to see their Mommy cry ( every now and then) so that they know it will be o.k., it isn't the end. They need to see us pray and say I am Sorry and ask forgiveness and compromise. They need to see that there are healthy ways to disagree, that everyone has bad days and everyone gets angry sometimes, but it is about talking, working it out, and moving on. They need to see what real love looks like, both the good and the bad. Every problem does not have to lead to divorce, sometimes you just have to clear the air to find fresh love!
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Victoria
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I always intended to have children while I was young. My Mom had me when she was 30 after years of trying and for the early 70's that was considered old for having a baby. All of her friends had teenagers when I was still in elementary school. There were very few children among my parent's circle of friends that were even close to my age. My cousins were so much older than me I called them uncle. I always said I wanted to be a young Mom. When Jason and I got married, I had just turned 23 and he was only a couple of months into being 20 so it appeared my plan for being a young Mom was right on track. We waited for a few months and then I decided to go off of birth control and what would be, would be. I never dreamed that what would be would take 8 more years, but God's plan is sometimes not our plan. As the years went by I watched my friends having babies, I watched my clients having babies, I watched children I babysat having babies. I got tired of people asking when we were going to have one of our own. The doctors didn't know why I wasn't pregnant, they had theories, but they had no evidence to back them up. Everything tested fine, everything appeared fine. Just nothing. I was offered fertility options, but was nervous of the side effects, unsure if they were safe, afraid of outcomes like I saw on TV. I did not want to be pregnant with multiples. I prayed about it and we decided that if God saw fit to bless us then great, but if not, then that was His plan. We looked into adoption, we looked into Foster care, we began to save money for overseas adoption. The years continued to tick by....
God's ways are not our ways and His plans are not our plans. 8 years later and the unexpected happened, I became pregnant. I was so shocked that when the Doctor told me it was true I still didn't believe him. I thought it was a mistake. I took the whole box of pregnancy tests- all three of them and still didn't believe it. "Miracles do happen", those were the words of my Doctor, who called it a fluke, after I miscarried the first pregnancy at 14 weeks and became pregnant again just three and a half months later. They had no explanation, they didn't even have a theory for that one. Now here we are 8 years and two beautiful healthy daughters later, and I am still amazed by the timing of God. I am my Mother's daughter, I followed in her footsteps in so many ways including having my children in my 30's. I never would have imagined it, I never would have planned it, but it has become the biggest blessing that God has given me. Thanks to those 8 years without children, Jason and I were able to grow up together, without the stress of raising children. We traveled, we furnished our home, we bought a house. Jason had moved up in his company to the point that he could support us without my income. We had 8 years to bond and live and grow closer and closer to each other, and I would not trade that time for anything. Yes, I am more tired than my friend's who have endless amounts of energy for their little ones. I sometimes think I am not as laid back because of my age. I have gray streaks instead of fun blue and pink streaks, and I am not current on pop culture. I don't text or have an Iphone. I sometimes feel old when I see friend I grew up with children heading out to college and driving and graduating high school while I am buying a little mini cap and gown to watch mine graduate Kindergarten. All those things my Mom struggled through as a Mom are now my struggles as well, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I think there are advantages to being an older Mom. I think about the views I had and the life I lived when I was in my 20's and I know that I would not have the children I have today if I would have raised them then. I am closer to God now than ever before and I understand what values and morals I want to instill in them. Jason and I have changed so much in the last decade, we understand each other, our love is so much deeper. We are more mellow, we are faster to love and slower to fight. We have worked out our differences and we are more one now than ever before which helps us be better parents. I appreciate the little moments more as an older Mom. I had to be patient and go through a lot to have them and I don't want to take a single moment for granted. God's timing is perfect and He knew when we would should be parents even before we did and I am thankful for His Grace and His mercy and His perfect planning. Mother's Day was a wonderful reminder of just how far He has brought us and how much He has blessed us and I wouldn't trade a single minute of it, even if I am one of the oldest Moms in the kindergarten PTO.
God's ways are not our ways and His plans are not our plans. 8 years later and the unexpected happened, I became pregnant. I was so shocked that when the Doctor told me it was true I still didn't believe him. I thought it was a mistake. I took the whole box of pregnancy tests- all three of them and still didn't believe it. "Miracles do happen", those were the words of my Doctor, who called it a fluke, after I miscarried the first pregnancy at 14 weeks and became pregnant again just three and a half months later. They had no explanation, they didn't even have a theory for that one. Now here we are 8 years and two beautiful healthy daughters later, and I am still amazed by the timing of God. I am my Mother's daughter, I followed in her footsteps in so many ways including having my children in my 30's. I never would have imagined it, I never would have planned it, but it has become the biggest blessing that God has given me. Thanks to those 8 years without children, Jason and I were able to grow up together, without the stress of raising children. We traveled, we furnished our home, we bought a house. Jason had moved up in his company to the point that he could support us without my income. We had 8 years to bond and live and grow closer and closer to each other, and I would not trade that time for anything. Yes, I am more tired than my friend's who have endless amounts of energy for their little ones. I sometimes think I am not as laid back because of my age. I have gray streaks instead of fun blue and pink streaks, and I am not current on pop culture. I don't text or have an Iphone. I sometimes feel old when I see friend I grew up with children heading out to college and driving and graduating high school while I am buying a little mini cap and gown to watch mine graduate Kindergarten. All those things my Mom struggled through as a Mom are now my struggles as well, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I think there are advantages to being an older Mom. I think about the views I had and the life I lived when I was in my 20's and I know that I would not have the children I have today if I would have raised them then. I am closer to God now than ever before and I understand what values and morals I want to instill in them. Jason and I have changed so much in the last decade, we understand each other, our love is so much deeper. We are more mellow, we are faster to love and slower to fight. We have worked out our differences and we are more one now than ever before which helps us be better parents. I appreciate the little moments more as an older Mom. I had to be patient and go through a lot to have them and I don't want to take a single moment for granted. God's timing is perfect and He knew when we would should be parents even before we did and I am thankful for His Grace and His mercy and His perfect planning. Mother's Day was a wonderful reminder of just how far He has brought us and how much He has blessed us and I wouldn't trade a single minute of it, even if I am one of the oldest Moms in the kindergarten PTO.
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Victoria
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Rain, rain go away... as I look out the window at another gray, foggy, drippy day I am reminded that April showers are supposed to bring May flowers, although right now they only seem to be bringing mud, weeds and mold. I am not a Spring girl, I am a Fall/Winter girl. I like fuzzy clothes, warm blankets, big coats, hot cider, the smell of wood smoke in the air. I do not like mud puddles, humidity, dandelion flowers, and bugs. I have to struggle through Spring. I am not a spotless housekeeper so my Spring cleaning takes most of the season and by the time I finish, the things I started with usually need done again. I am not an experienced gardener, but living in a neighborhood with small yards and very neat neighbors insures that I do my part to keep weeds pulled, flowers pruned and mulch fresh. I have grumbled for the past several weeks about allergies, and pollen and hotness, and sweat, and then I see posts on Facebook about Cicada's...ewww! Grumble, grumble, I hate Spring, but then this morning I opened my Bible randomly (which I do sometimes) just let it open to a page and began to read...
Song of Solomon 2: 11-13
See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”
Yes, God has His own ways of speaking to us if we are listening, don't ever doubt that He works in mysterious ways. I am not sure I have ever even really read Song of Solomon...ever! When I read this passage I got the most beautiful picture in my head of birds chirping and trees blooming out and of course it is hard to grumble at a love story... God created seasons and He did it for a reason, everything has a purpose. God is intentional. Instead of complaining and counting down the weeks until what I like comes back around, I need to focus on what God wants me to see right now, in this season. I need to learn to love Spring.
North Carolina has four very distinct seasons. We are lucky to live in a place that experiences each season separately. Living in the mountains, they are even more unique and I have learned to appreciate Spring a little more since living here. There is a reason that Winter is not the peak tourist season in the NC mountain region. Yes, the mountains are beautiful when they are covered in a bright white, pure, snowfall and you are skiing down the slopes, but just day to day Winter without the blanket of white is drab to say the least. The mountains loom up all around you into the horizon, dark and gray. The wind is brutal and the cold is never ending. The fog is daily, it rolls in like a blanket at night and hangs out until mid-morning, everyday! Gray and thick. The trees are barren and all of a sudden you see houses and shacks and caves that you never knew were there. ( the old saying the hills have eyes is true, you don't know all the people hiding in the hills until the leaves drop off the trees) The roads are covered in salt and sand, the rocks are wet and dripping and everything is dead, which makes the switch to Spring that much more amazing. Just in the last couple of weeks, the flowers have bloomed out, the trees are covered in blossoms and birds are everywhere. There are lots of flowering trees in the mountains, purple and white, dogwoods and cherry. We wake up to a constant chirping song, birds are everywhere. The mountains begin to fill out and become lush and green again. The girls begin to bring me beautiful purple blossoms and it is even hard to grumble about the Dandelions I hate when they are being tucked behind my ear with a kiss on the cheek from one of my girls. I love to plant vegetables and fruit so Spring comes with the smell of fresh tilled earth and the promise of homegrown food on our table and grill. Warm weather means trips to the park and picnics in the grass, rocking on the front porch and neighbors waving Hi and stopping to chat. Here in the south, warm weather brings out flip flops and jugs of sweet tea, it means a time of refreshing... "He makes all things new". God uses Spring to remind me that after the dead of Winter comes the newness of life. The girls marvel at the newborn calves at the farm on the way to school and try and peek into the nests that pop up in our trees. Even on a rainy day like today I am reminded that life moves on and springs forth, that all things are fresh again. In the midst of chaos and the evil of sin and death that surround us on this Earth, God reminds me that in Him all things are made new, His love never fails, and with new life and a new season, comes hope!
Song of Solomon 2: 11-13
See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”
Yes, God has His own ways of speaking to us if we are listening, don't ever doubt that He works in mysterious ways. I am not sure I have ever even really read Song of Solomon...ever! When I read this passage I got the most beautiful picture in my head of birds chirping and trees blooming out and of course it is hard to grumble at a love story... God created seasons and He did it for a reason, everything has a purpose. God is intentional. Instead of complaining and counting down the weeks until what I like comes back around, I need to focus on what God wants me to see right now, in this season. I need to learn to love Spring.
North Carolina has four very distinct seasons. We are lucky to live in a place that experiences each season separately. Living in the mountains, they are even more unique and I have learned to appreciate Spring a little more since living here. There is a reason that Winter is not the peak tourist season in the NC mountain region. Yes, the mountains are beautiful when they are covered in a bright white, pure, snowfall and you are skiing down the slopes, but just day to day Winter without the blanket of white is drab to say the least. The mountains loom up all around you into the horizon, dark and gray. The wind is brutal and the cold is never ending. The fog is daily, it rolls in like a blanket at night and hangs out until mid-morning, everyday! Gray and thick. The trees are barren and all of a sudden you see houses and shacks and caves that you never knew were there. ( the old saying the hills have eyes is true, you don't know all the people hiding in the hills until the leaves drop off the trees) The roads are covered in salt and sand, the rocks are wet and dripping and everything is dead, which makes the switch to Spring that much more amazing. Just in the last couple of weeks, the flowers have bloomed out, the trees are covered in blossoms and birds are everywhere. There are lots of flowering trees in the mountains, purple and white, dogwoods and cherry. We wake up to a constant chirping song, birds are everywhere. The mountains begin to fill out and become lush and green again. The girls begin to bring me beautiful purple blossoms and it is even hard to grumble about the Dandelions I hate when they are being tucked behind my ear with a kiss on the cheek from one of my girls. I love to plant vegetables and fruit so Spring comes with the smell of fresh tilled earth and the promise of homegrown food on our table and grill. Warm weather means trips to the park and picnics in the grass, rocking on the front porch and neighbors waving Hi and stopping to chat. Here in the south, warm weather brings out flip flops and jugs of sweet tea, it means a time of refreshing... "He makes all things new". God uses Spring to remind me that after the dead of Winter comes the newness of life. The girls marvel at the newborn calves at the farm on the way to school and try and peek into the nests that pop up in our trees. Even on a rainy day like today I am reminded that life moves on and springs forth, that all things are fresh again. In the midst of chaos and the evil of sin and death that surround us on this Earth, God reminds me that in Him all things are made new, His love never fails, and with new life and a new season, comes hope!
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Victoria
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I can't believe that Easter is almost here. This month has flown by in so many ways. We had some great Spring weather, flowers blooming, garden started and a trip to the park and then typical of NC, Winter returned and after watching snow flurries float by the window all day yesterday and today sitting here with my space heater on, I have decided that although I am a Winter girl, I am ready for a return of Spring... it is COLD! I have been off of Facebook now for an entire month, which is the longest time I have been away from it since I signed up 5 or 6 years ago. I thought I would miss it more, but I really haven't. My Goodreads account and my blog are tied in so anytime I post from here or on books that I read on Goodreads, it should show up over on my Facebook page, so I apologize if I have bored you to death with book reviews and reading blogs, I don't know how to turn that off. Since I haven't updated family or friends much about what has been going on with us I decided to just use this post to update whoever is interested on our random happenings this past couple of weeks, so here are some updates from the Hartman home...
-Emma prayed to receive Christ as her savior last week, she was so sweet and said God spoke to her and told her to let Him in and be her Lord. She is being baptised on Easter Sunday and we could not be happier for her. I will try to make a video or photo to show all of our away family this special time. I thank God for answered prayer and hope I can live up to my responsibility as a parent and raise her in the way He would have her to go.
-The other day Emma tells Lydia that she would never get in a fight unless it was a boy trying to kiss her or touch her, then she would punch him right in the face. She said Daddy had given her permission and she wouldn't be in trouble for punching a boy who was trying to kiss her. She also said she passed this info onto a boy in her class who said he was going to chase her across the playground. Said boy is no longer a threat...lol! (* note to self- talk to Jason about not promoting physical violence during recess, and remind him of those times he spent in detention because while it has been a while, he seems to have forgotten that in school- yes, you do get in trouble for fighting.)
- Flax seed is a miracle ingredient when watching cholesterol, I have made homemade noodles, biscuits and cornbread with little to no cholesterol by replacing eggs and oil with it, it is my new best friend in the fight for health.
- Emma was upset last week when she made her first B and lost her straight A honor roll status.. I wish I would have cared as much as she does when I was in school- she is definitely a type A personality and she doesn't get it from her slacker, procrastinating parents.
-Lydia is playing T-ball again this year, she is the only girl on the team, but doesn't seem to care.
- Zulilly is not just for children, I got a pair of Zumba shoes for half price. Now if I could just buy some talent I would be set.
- Jason is finishing up another semester of school soon and has to pick an elective to take over the Summer... it was a close call between Philosophy and Public Speaking, but I think he finally decided on Art.... ( I don't even know how to make the little face that should be inserted here..ha!).... this should be an interesting Summer. Emma was excited because she takes Art camp at the college in the Summer and said they could go together :)
Since everyone on Facebook has seen my Goodreads activity, I thought I should say something about books. I read...a lot... as you have probably guessed. I have a lot of Christian friends who only read Christian books and a couple of them have asked me about my reading selections so here are my reading habits. Yes, I do read Christian literature, but rarely add those books in on Goodreads because I consider Goodreads to be entertainment. I shop the Family Book Store as much as Amazon. I read from lots of different genre's but mostly right now I like YA Fiction because they are quick and easy reads, very character driven and easy to follow, which with my limited time and child interruptions, works well for me. I read completely for entertainment and not really for deep literary focus, spiritual enlightenment or self-help. I do tend to stick to a PG-13 rating, I don't like books with lots of language, sex or explicit content ( another reason I like YA) I do read some paranormal and fantasy stories, but I don't like books about Zombies, witches, or "real" vampires ( I don't consider Twilight to be real vampires) Some books I read are free because I belong to an Author Read to Review group that allows me to get free books gifted for review, these books I don't particularly choose although I can decline them, and I read books for a book club I belong to here in town. I do not choose these either, I just read the selection for the month. Soooo... keep these things in mind when you see books pop up and think " she is reading that?" If you have any recommendations for me, I love to hear about what other people read and get new Authors to check out.
As you can see, our lives are just as exciting as ever and we are still the wild party animals you all know and love :)
I hope everyone has a fabulous Holy Week, enjoys time with their family and friends and spends some time thinking about the Sacrifice Christ made just for you because He loves you, Thank the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever! Happy Easter!
-Emma prayed to receive Christ as her savior last week, she was so sweet and said God spoke to her and told her to let Him in and be her Lord. She is being baptised on Easter Sunday and we could not be happier for her. I will try to make a video or photo to show all of our away family this special time. I thank God for answered prayer and hope I can live up to my responsibility as a parent and raise her in the way He would have her to go.
-The other day Emma tells Lydia that she would never get in a fight unless it was a boy trying to kiss her or touch her, then she would punch him right in the face. She said Daddy had given her permission and she wouldn't be in trouble for punching a boy who was trying to kiss her. She also said she passed this info onto a boy in her class who said he was going to chase her across the playground. Said boy is no longer a threat...lol! (* note to self- talk to Jason about not promoting physical violence during recess, and remind him of those times he spent in detention because while it has been a while, he seems to have forgotten that in school- yes, you do get in trouble for fighting.)
- Flax seed is a miracle ingredient when watching cholesterol, I have made homemade noodles, biscuits and cornbread with little to no cholesterol by replacing eggs and oil with it, it is my new best friend in the fight for health.
- Emma was upset last week when she made her first B and lost her straight A honor roll status.. I wish I would have cared as much as she does when I was in school- she is definitely a type A personality and she doesn't get it from her slacker, procrastinating parents.
-Lydia is playing T-ball again this year, she is the only girl on the team, but doesn't seem to care.
- Zulilly is not just for children, I got a pair of Zumba shoes for half price. Now if I could just buy some talent I would be set.
- Jason is finishing up another semester of school soon and has to pick an elective to take over the Summer... it was a close call between Philosophy and Public Speaking, but I think he finally decided on Art.... ( I don't even know how to make the little face that should be inserted here..ha!).... this should be an interesting Summer. Emma was excited because she takes Art camp at the college in the Summer and said they could go together :)
Since everyone on Facebook has seen my Goodreads activity, I thought I should say something about books. I read...a lot... as you have probably guessed. I have a lot of Christian friends who only read Christian books and a couple of them have asked me about my reading selections so here are my reading habits. Yes, I do read Christian literature, but rarely add those books in on Goodreads because I consider Goodreads to be entertainment. I shop the Family Book Store as much as Amazon. I read from lots of different genre's but mostly right now I like YA Fiction because they are quick and easy reads, very character driven and easy to follow, which with my limited time and child interruptions, works well for me. I read completely for entertainment and not really for deep literary focus, spiritual enlightenment or self-help. I do tend to stick to a PG-13 rating, I don't like books with lots of language, sex or explicit content ( another reason I like YA) I do read some paranormal and fantasy stories, but I don't like books about Zombies, witches, or "real" vampires ( I don't consider Twilight to be real vampires) Some books I read are free because I belong to an Author Read to Review group that allows me to get free books gifted for review, these books I don't particularly choose although I can decline them, and I read books for a book club I belong to here in town. I do not choose these either, I just read the selection for the month. Soooo... keep these things in mind when you see books pop up and think " she is reading that?" If you have any recommendations for me, I love to hear about what other people read and get new Authors to check out.
As you can see, our lives are just as exciting as ever and we are still the wild party animals you all know and love :)
I hope everyone has a fabulous Holy Week, enjoys time with their family and friends and spends some time thinking about the Sacrifice Christ made just for you because He loves you, Thank the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever! Happy Easter!
Posted by
Victoria
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This year, for me, is all about changing habits. I have made changes in my spiritual habits. I have been reading my Bible and doing devotions with Jason and the girls daily. I have memorized one book of the Bible and am now working on another, I have prayed more frequently and more earnestly. I have made changes in my time management. I have been off of Facebook for a few weeks now and it has made a huge difference in my time, I have had more time to catch up on books that I am reading, crafts that I am making, garden work, planting, and more time to give to God and my family. Old habits are beginning to die out and new ones are slowly starting to form... good ones...better ones. A year of changing habits.
Now it is time to start working on the hardest habit for me to break. The habit (or lack thereof) of exercise...yes, that is right, exercise! ( I even struggled typing that out) I hate to exercise. I HATE it!!! I was always the skinny girl growing up. I was that girl...the one that never seemed to watch what she ate, the one who never played a sport, the one who only showed up to PE class to watch the guys work out. I ate Skittles and Coke for breakfast, I ate popcorn, pizza and doughnuts for lunch, and whatever for dinner. I ate fast food whenever possible, ate out everyday at work, and never did a minute of anything that would cause you to sweat or lose your breath. In fact, I am not sure I have ever really sweated...ever...at all! When I got married I wore a size 2 and for most of my life never payed attention to a scale, but all that changed when I got pregnant for the first time. I was pregnant three times in the next three years, the first one ended in miscarriage in the first weeks of my second trimester, but not before I had gained 10 pounds. The next two came two years apart and along with staying home, complications which required bed rest, and my lack of exercise and diet, they managed to bring along 20 more pounds. I have now held steady for the last 6 years, not really gaining, not really losing, just hanging out at about 20 pounds overweight.
This year Jason and I have had somewhat of a wake up call, the we are getting old and out of shape, wake up call. He went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and found that now, not only does he still have to take high blood pressure medication, but he also has high cholesterol, and not just a little high, the "well Mr. Hartman, we will give you 3 months to bring it down or you will have to go on medication" kind of high. He is younger than me, 3 years younger than me, and we eat the same things. He eats what I cook, we eat out together, and we don't exercise... together. This means that if his is bad, mine is more than likely not far behind. I have a history of good genes on my side and the fact that I do eat more fruits and vegetables overall than he does, but he works a LOT harder than I do and...oh yeah, he is younger. I will be 40 this year. This is the year your metabolism slows down considerably, the year that you begin to have to work to maintain health. The year I need to start exercising.... and dieting... and sweating... o.k. maybe not too much sweating, but definitely the other two. I looked at the list of foods that the doctor gave to him and I thought to myself...oh my, we are there, we are at the turning point, we are at the "we can't go to Chili's, we need K & W" stage .... this is bad! I am not good at diet, I am not good at working out. I flunked Weight Watchers, I gained it all back. I flunked Jazzersize ( o.k., I didn't flunk, I quit). Jason decided that I flunked at the Y and he dropped my membership. My friend Brandy I went for a whole year, three nights a week, and I never lost anything or gained anything....such as...oh..muscle. We walked ( o.k. we strolled) the track, we sat on the machines to talk, and some nights we just gave up and went for milkshakes. He decided we could use the money for more important things and Brandy and I could hang out and walk through town for free ( which we did, and still didn't lose any weight) I am a diet failure! I like to eat and I hate to sweat, this is not a good combination. but...
This is a year of changing habits. Time to change mine. This is the only body I have, the only one God will ever give me here on Earth. The time has come,we have to change our diet. I am buying more whole and organic foods and hardly any processed ones. No more box meals. Time to cook the old fashioned way, from scratch. This is how you know what you are getting. This is the only way I can make sure what we eat is healthy. Time to exercise! There is no time like the present and Zumba has proven to be a great way to get the movement going and so far, I have not failed out, although some days my body wishes I would. My feet and ankles hurt a lot more now and my muscles are not happy with me. When I look at some of those young girls dancing away like they are in a club, enjoying the fun and not feeling the work, it is easy to try and tell myself I should just give up, but I remind myself that I used to be like them and I am still alive. God has blessed me with good health and a good body although I don't deserve it, and that could change in an instant. Today I have to do whatever it takes to be healthy and be a good steward of what God has provided. That means I may have to sacrifice some things and sweat a little ( very little), but I guess it is the least I can do. Changing habits for Him...a strong soul, a strong mind and now a strong body.... as the song we dance to at Zumba says...What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... and I am not dead yet!
Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. 3 John 1:2
Now it is time to start working on the hardest habit for me to break. The habit (or lack thereof) of exercise...yes, that is right, exercise! ( I even struggled typing that out) I hate to exercise. I HATE it!!! I was always the skinny girl growing up. I was that girl...the one that never seemed to watch what she ate, the one who never played a sport, the one who only showed up to PE class to watch the guys work out. I ate Skittles and Coke for breakfast, I ate popcorn, pizza and doughnuts for lunch, and whatever for dinner. I ate fast food whenever possible, ate out everyday at work, and never did a minute of anything that would cause you to sweat or lose your breath. In fact, I am not sure I have ever really sweated...ever...at all! When I got married I wore a size 2 and for most of my life never payed attention to a scale, but all that changed when I got pregnant for the first time. I was pregnant three times in the next three years, the first one ended in miscarriage in the first weeks of my second trimester, but not before I had gained 10 pounds. The next two came two years apart and along with staying home, complications which required bed rest, and my lack of exercise and diet, they managed to bring along 20 more pounds. I have now held steady for the last 6 years, not really gaining, not really losing, just hanging out at about 20 pounds overweight.
This year Jason and I have had somewhat of a wake up call, the we are getting old and out of shape, wake up call. He went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and found that now, not only does he still have to take high blood pressure medication, but he also has high cholesterol, and not just a little high, the "well Mr. Hartman, we will give you 3 months to bring it down or you will have to go on medication" kind of high. He is younger than me, 3 years younger than me, and we eat the same things. He eats what I cook, we eat out together, and we don't exercise... together. This means that if his is bad, mine is more than likely not far behind. I have a history of good genes on my side and the fact that I do eat more fruits and vegetables overall than he does, but he works a LOT harder than I do and...oh yeah, he is younger. I will be 40 this year. This is the year your metabolism slows down considerably, the year that you begin to have to work to maintain health. The year I need to start exercising.... and dieting... and sweating... o.k. maybe not too much sweating, but definitely the other two. I looked at the list of foods that the doctor gave to him and I thought to myself...oh my, we are there, we are at the turning point, we are at the "we can't go to Chili's, we need K & W" stage .... this is bad! I am not good at diet, I am not good at working out. I flunked Weight Watchers, I gained it all back. I flunked Jazzersize ( o.k., I didn't flunk, I quit). Jason decided that I flunked at the Y and he dropped my membership. My friend Brandy I went for a whole year, three nights a week, and I never lost anything or gained anything....such as...oh..muscle. We walked ( o.k. we strolled) the track, we sat on the machines to talk, and some nights we just gave up and went for milkshakes. He decided we could use the money for more important things and Brandy and I could hang out and walk through town for free ( which we did, and still didn't lose any weight) I am a diet failure! I like to eat and I hate to sweat, this is not a good combination. but...
This is a year of changing habits. Time to change mine. This is the only body I have, the only one God will ever give me here on Earth. The time has come,we have to change our diet. I am buying more whole and organic foods and hardly any processed ones. No more box meals. Time to cook the old fashioned way, from scratch. This is how you know what you are getting. This is the only way I can make sure what we eat is healthy. Time to exercise! There is no time like the present and Zumba has proven to be a great way to get the movement going and so far, I have not failed out, although some days my body wishes I would. My feet and ankles hurt a lot more now and my muscles are not happy with me. When I look at some of those young girls dancing away like they are in a club, enjoying the fun and not feeling the work, it is easy to try and tell myself I should just give up, but I remind myself that I used to be like them and I am still alive. God has blessed me with good health and a good body although I don't deserve it, and that could change in an instant. Today I have to do whatever it takes to be healthy and be a good steward of what God has provided. That means I may have to sacrifice some things and sweat a little ( very little), but I guess it is the least I can do. Changing habits for Him...a strong soul, a strong mind and now a strong body.... as the song we dance to at Zumba says...What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... and I am not dead yet!
Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. 3 John 1:2
Posted by
Victoria
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I am a child of the '80's, a teenager/ Young adult of the '90's, a generation X'er as it is known. I remember life before cell phones, computers and the Internet. I remember what it was like to have to call someone, open a phonebook, read a map, a cookbook, shop at a real store. When I was in high school no one had a cell phone. My computer class in 11th grade was all DOS based programing, no windows. I could write a program to make my name scroll along the screen and make faces appear. I had a book of programs at home that would let me play games on our very large Commodore 64 computer, it would take hours to type it all in just to make it play basic games with lines and dots. There was a time when my parents would have had to call the Mall and have me paged to the information desk if they wanted to talk to me on a Friday night ( which never happened). Once, A friend of mine and I got lost one night coming home from Elkin and ended up in VA..(long story, don't ask) Two 18 year old girls at a Welcome center in another state at 1 am, scrounging change out of the bottom of the floorboards in order to use the pay phone so we could call her boyfriend to get directions back home.... no cell phones, no GPS. It cost over a dollar to make the call and he was so mad at her he hung up on us without telling us how to get home, so a lady with her dog and milkshake in her hand dug in her floorboard to give us another 1.00 so that I could call Jason to get directions, he was angry, he informed me how dangerous it was for us to be there, and he made endless amounts of sarcastic comments about what we were doing and why we were there, but luckily he cared enough to actually help us get back to the highway and home... this would be unheard of and dangerous today, but it was the way it was in '92. No cute Facebook status about being at the rest area with a crazy dog lady and the old, fat truck driver, no quick text to a friend or a check-in from VA, just us, some change and a prayer that someone would be home to answer the call.
Now just a decade or so later, we are completely dependent on Internet, cellphones, GPS, and Google. We never open a book to find info, we just Google it, we never open a map we turn on the Tom Tom or open the latest map App. We never talk to someone and hear their voice, we just type a bunch of letters and symbols to send a message and we use fake cartoon faces to convey our moods, we think in short sentences and we hide behind our keyboards, we never make a photo album, we have everything stored on memory cards and DVD's, our children do cute things and ask us to put it on Facebook. We tell random strangers where we are eating and what we are doing. We show them every part of our lives from the exciting to the mundane and then we check back to see if they "like" what we put or if they commented on our cute child, our Pinterest worthy crafts, or our fabulous home cooked meal. Technology...an easier life.. a harder life. Technology is supposed to save us so much time and yet we find we have no time.
I read a blog about Lent and sacrifice and making things more important than God and I thought of Facebook for me, how much time I waste on it, how many times a day I peek at it, how much I dislike it sometimes, but yet still go back and look some more, and I decided that I would try life the old fashioned way...for 40 days... days that I would rediscover my life without status updates and photo documentation and drama and politics and all the other mess. I am now 10 days in and here is what I have found to be good and not so good about my life without Facebook.
Things I have missed:
-Friends, seeing what they are doing and keeping in touch.
-Prayer updates, I follow several peoples struggles and journeys with cancer, illness and troubles. I pray for them based on what they say they need prayer for, these past ten days I have not known what to pray for or how they are doing and I find myself thinking about them more and feeling inadequate in my prayers for them.
-doing things the easy way, checking Facebook to find out if church is canceled, if the roads are bad, if school is delayed, if Zumba is on schedule, etc. , etc. Facebook has made it so easy to not have to actually call anyone or look anything up that now it seems like a chore to have to search for the info on my own...sad...but true
Things I have not missed:
-Friends, it is sad, but we tend to judge ourselves based on how many Facebook friends we have. I have over 200 "friends" on Facebook and yet only a handful that I actually see and talk to or correspond with. Any given status update I post may have a couple of comments or 10 or so likes out of all those friends. There are only a few who actually keep up with what is happening in my life and care to respond or talk. So many people say "well, I read and keep up with you, I just don't comment or say anything." to me that is not friendship. Friendship is about sharing life not just observing it; however, I am the same with a lot of my contacts as well. I don't comment or correspond with half the people I am friends with, so why do I keep them on my list? Would they notice if I took them off? Would I notice if they took me off of theirs? Most people don't really care if we are on Facebook or not, the people who are really our friends will see us or keep up with us anyway and the others will just move on, probably half of my list doesn't even know I am gone...sad....but true.
-drama, I have had issues lately with Facebook drama. I have family members and friends who are tied in with people that I am not friends with and it makes it very difficult when those who I am not friends with can see and interfere with what I post. Lately it has caused me to feel like I am in a hard place between wanting to share and post with family and yet being very careful and guarded about what I post and share with them. I have to tread lightly with my husband and his feelings about what is shared and not shared. He has unresolved feelings, and strong ones, about some people who are tied in to me through Facebook. You don't always realize how much of your past hurt and anger is still ingrained in the deepest parts of you until it is dredged up and thrown at you. It is not worth the stress and mess to me to drag up feelings and anger and stress for him that have not been a problem in our lives for the past 20 years and shouldn't be now, just because of Facebook. We live a no drama, low stress life and I intend to keep it that way.
-politics, I have in no way missed a single political posting. I am tired of them, they don't change anything, they don't prove anything, they serve no purpose other than keeping people debating, arguing and angry. I haven't heard or seen anything political in over a week and it has been wonderful.
-misguided quotes. I have not missed a single cute photo with a touching quote or life lesson, most of them are contributed to people who didn't actually say them and if you really love the people in your lives or at the other end of the sofa, can't you just look over the top of your laptop or phone and just tell them instead of posting mushy love quotes to them and 300 of your closest friends. This is just me, I am not mushy, don't take offense if you are a poster of cute sayings, if you love your children and your husband and generally like to post every life lesson you can find in sentence form with a tranquil beach behind it.. it is o.k., I am simply saying I haven't missed them on my wall.
So this has been a long post, mostly because life has been quiet here these last ten days, but a good quiet. Yes, I miss checking in with friends and laughing at everyone's cute children and funny life moments and I will be back I am sure. I have felt at times isolated and out of touch. My house is quiet during the day, but I have found that my time is spent so much more wisely. My house is clean, my laundry is done, I have finished memorizing the book of James, I have prayed on a regular schedule, I have cooked and crafted and played games with the girls, I have exercised and lost 5 pounds, I have read books and went to book club, I have e-mailed and talked on the phone, I have enjoyed sharing stories and funny things with my Mom before she has already heard it five times from everyone else. I have enjoyed sharing stories with Jason when he gets home from work that he hasn't already seen on Facebook.
Life without Facebook still goes on and it is good!
Now just a decade or so later, we are completely dependent on Internet, cellphones, GPS, and Google. We never open a book to find info, we just Google it, we never open a map we turn on the Tom Tom or open the latest map App. We never talk to someone and hear their voice, we just type a bunch of letters and symbols to send a message and we use fake cartoon faces to convey our moods, we think in short sentences and we hide behind our keyboards, we never make a photo album, we have everything stored on memory cards and DVD's, our children do cute things and ask us to put it on Facebook. We tell random strangers where we are eating and what we are doing. We show them every part of our lives from the exciting to the mundane and then we check back to see if they "like" what we put or if they commented on our cute child, our Pinterest worthy crafts, or our fabulous home cooked meal. Technology...an easier life.. a harder life. Technology is supposed to save us so much time and yet we find we have no time.
I read a blog about Lent and sacrifice and making things more important than God and I thought of Facebook for me, how much time I waste on it, how many times a day I peek at it, how much I dislike it sometimes, but yet still go back and look some more, and I decided that I would try life the old fashioned way...for 40 days... days that I would rediscover my life without status updates and photo documentation and drama and politics and all the other mess. I am now 10 days in and here is what I have found to be good and not so good about my life without Facebook.
Things I have missed:
-Friends, seeing what they are doing and keeping in touch.
-Prayer updates, I follow several peoples struggles and journeys with cancer, illness and troubles. I pray for them based on what they say they need prayer for, these past ten days I have not known what to pray for or how they are doing and I find myself thinking about them more and feeling inadequate in my prayers for them.
-doing things the easy way, checking Facebook to find out if church is canceled, if the roads are bad, if school is delayed, if Zumba is on schedule, etc. , etc. Facebook has made it so easy to not have to actually call anyone or look anything up that now it seems like a chore to have to search for the info on my own...sad...but true
Things I have not missed:
-Friends, it is sad, but we tend to judge ourselves based on how many Facebook friends we have. I have over 200 "friends" on Facebook and yet only a handful that I actually see and talk to or correspond with. Any given status update I post may have a couple of comments or 10 or so likes out of all those friends. There are only a few who actually keep up with what is happening in my life and care to respond or talk. So many people say "well, I read and keep up with you, I just don't comment or say anything." to me that is not friendship. Friendship is about sharing life not just observing it; however, I am the same with a lot of my contacts as well. I don't comment or correspond with half the people I am friends with, so why do I keep them on my list? Would they notice if I took them off? Would I notice if they took me off of theirs? Most people don't really care if we are on Facebook or not, the people who are really our friends will see us or keep up with us anyway and the others will just move on, probably half of my list doesn't even know I am gone...sad....but true.
-drama, I have had issues lately with Facebook drama. I have family members and friends who are tied in with people that I am not friends with and it makes it very difficult when those who I am not friends with can see and interfere with what I post. Lately it has caused me to feel like I am in a hard place between wanting to share and post with family and yet being very careful and guarded about what I post and share with them. I have to tread lightly with my husband and his feelings about what is shared and not shared. He has unresolved feelings, and strong ones, about some people who are tied in to me through Facebook. You don't always realize how much of your past hurt and anger is still ingrained in the deepest parts of you until it is dredged up and thrown at you. It is not worth the stress and mess to me to drag up feelings and anger and stress for him that have not been a problem in our lives for the past 20 years and shouldn't be now, just because of Facebook. We live a no drama, low stress life and I intend to keep it that way.
-politics, I have in no way missed a single political posting. I am tired of them, they don't change anything, they don't prove anything, they serve no purpose other than keeping people debating, arguing and angry. I haven't heard or seen anything political in over a week and it has been wonderful.
-misguided quotes. I have not missed a single cute photo with a touching quote or life lesson, most of them are contributed to people who didn't actually say them and if you really love the people in your lives or at the other end of the sofa, can't you just look over the top of your laptop or phone and just tell them instead of posting mushy love quotes to them and 300 of your closest friends. This is just me, I am not mushy, don't take offense if you are a poster of cute sayings, if you love your children and your husband and generally like to post every life lesson you can find in sentence form with a tranquil beach behind it.. it is o.k., I am simply saying I haven't missed them on my wall.
So this has been a long post, mostly because life has been quiet here these last ten days, but a good quiet. Yes, I miss checking in with friends and laughing at everyone's cute children and funny life moments and I will be back I am sure. I have felt at times isolated and out of touch. My house is quiet during the day, but I have found that my time is spent so much more wisely. My house is clean, my laundry is done, I have finished memorizing the book of James, I have prayed on a regular schedule, I have cooked and crafted and played games with the girls, I have exercised and lost 5 pounds, I have read books and went to book club, I have e-mailed and talked on the phone, I have enjoyed sharing stories and funny things with my Mom before she has already heard it five times from everyone else. I have enjoyed sharing stories with Jason when he gets home from work that he hasn't already seen on Facebook.
Life without Facebook still goes on and it is good!
Posted by
Victoria
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"Happy Valentine's Day" my children told me at Breakfast. I had almost forgotten that today was the day. The middle of the week, school calling, rushing, dressing, eating, brushing hair, not thinking to much about love and hugs and kisses until it is time to run to the car and wave them off to school. The morning rush puts a damper on love and gifts and Valentines. I gave them hugs and kisses and said "I love You" as they headed out the door in their pink shirts covered in hearts. " Happy day of Love" my youngest shouted as they pulled out of the driveway. I came in and sat down and pulled out their little gift bags full of stickers and books and teddy bears and thought about how much Valentine's Day has changed for me. I have so much to be thankful for, so much love in our home, in our hearts...in my life.
Everyday is a day to show our love, not just Valentine's day, but I do love this holiday. I love heart shaped toast for breakfast, chocolate hearts and pink peep candy. I love the little paper Valentines the girls bring home and the extra hugs and kisses that I get all day long. It is a day to remember what is important in life, our families, our friends , our God and our love. "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19. God created us to love Him, he filled us with love and He demonstrated His love for us in that while we were still sinners He sent His son to die for us, He showed us the most perfect form of love so that we could love others and share that gift of love He gave us with them. I Love love....
My first Valentine's Day with Jason was spent sitting on his porch ( he was grounded...haha) I wasn't supposed to be there but he had called and said his parents were gone for a while and I should come over and... well? What was I supposed to do... teenage love is a complicated thing. I had not thought I would see him so I had bought a basket of chocolate and had it delivered... I am sure he was totally embarrassed, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now here we were sitting the porch, two young teenagers, not sure what to say or do... he gave me three roses for the three words " I love you" and a card. We were nervous and awkward and embarrassed. He wasn't exactly a "love-showing" kind of guy and I was not a really mushy romance girl so we just sat there and mumbled I Love You and thanks and then his Mom pulled in the driveway and caught us there... Love left quickly as fear kicked in. I remember the look we got and the voice that had me running to my car and leaving without even a goodbye, I also remember laughing all the way home with butterflies in my stomach...first love.
A few years later, we went to a fancy restaurant all dressed up and pretending like we knew what we were doing, we even paid for valet parking and then laughed as we sipped our Tea and tried to figure out how not to embarrass ourselves. No more awkwardness or nerves just laughter and fun... comfortable love.
Years went by and the Valentine's days of married life became movie nights, home cooked meals and dates at the Mall, holding hands, and spending time together... lasting love.
Now here we sit 23 years later and Valentine's Day has become heart stickers, colored paper hearts with misspelled love words, candy hearts and sweet hugs and kisses. Today Jason and I went to Olive Garden for lunch, we talked and laughed and enjoyed a simple lunch hour together. Later we had a Valentine scavenger hunt for the girls ending with coloring books and light up heart balls. A smile on their faces, a smile in our hearts. While Jason and I shared a huge chocolate Hershey kiss, I thought about how far life has come, how much our love has grown, first it was us, now it includes two little girls who love to love, who light up when you hug them, who squeal with delight over a note in their lunch box and a pixie stick in their book bag... girls who have their Daddy's hair and their Mommy's laughter, a little piece of both of us, a product of our love, created by God to give love back to Him and others. "We love because He first loved us".... Our hearts just keep growing and keep loving, no matter how long we live, no matter how big or small our families are, whether we have a lot of people to love or just a few... we just keep loving, because He loved us and He put that love in us and around us and it comes through us and flows out of us, it isn't always easy and it takes work sometimes, but it is always there if we choose it, not just one day a year, but everyday.....true love.
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
Everyday is a day to show our love, not just Valentine's day, but I do love this holiday. I love heart shaped toast for breakfast, chocolate hearts and pink peep candy. I love the little paper Valentines the girls bring home and the extra hugs and kisses that I get all day long. It is a day to remember what is important in life, our families, our friends , our God and our love. "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19. God created us to love Him, he filled us with love and He demonstrated His love for us in that while we were still sinners He sent His son to die for us, He showed us the most perfect form of love so that we could love others and share that gift of love He gave us with them. I Love love....
My first Valentine's Day with Jason was spent sitting on his porch ( he was grounded...haha) I wasn't supposed to be there but he had called and said his parents were gone for a while and I should come over and... well? What was I supposed to do... teenage love is a complicated thing. I had not thought I would see him so I had bought a basket of chocolate and had it delivered... I am sure he was totally embarrassed, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now here we were sitting the porch, two young teenagers, not sure what to say or do... he gave me three roses for the three words " I love you" and a card. We were nervous and awkward and embarrassed. He wasn't exactly a "love-showing" kind of guy and I was not a really mushy romance girl so we just sat there and mumbled I Love You and thanks and then his Mom pulled in the driveway and caught us there... Love left quickly as fear kicked in. I remember the look we got and the voice that had me running to my car and leaving without even a goodbye, I also remember laughing all the way home with butterflies in my stomach...first love.
A few years later, we went to a fancy restaurant all dressed up and pretending like we knew what we were doing, we even paid for valet parking and then laughed as we sipped our Tea and tried to figure out how not to embarrass ourselves. No more awkwardness or nerves just laughter and fun... comfortable love.
Years went by and the Valentine's days of married life became movie nights, home cooked meals and dates at the Mall, holding hands, and spending time together... lasting love.
Now here we sit 23 years later and Valentine's Day has become heart stickers, colored paper hearts with misspelled love words, candy hearts and sweet hugs and kisses. Today Jason and I went to Olive Garden for lunch, we talked and laughed and enjoyed a simple lunch hour together. Later we had a Valentine scavenger hunt for the girls ending with coloring books and light up heart balls. A smile on their faces, a smile in our hearts. While Jason and I shared a huge chocolate Hershey kiss, I thought about how far life has come, how much our love has grown, first it was us, now it includes two little girls who love to love, who light up when you hug them, who squeal with delight over a note in their lunch box and a pixie stick in their book bag... girls who have their Daddy's hair and their Mommy's laughter, a little piece of both of us, a product of our love, created by God to give love back to Him and others. "We love because He first loved us".... Our hearts just keep growing and keep loving, no matter how long we live, no matter how big or small our families are, whether we have a lot of people to love or just a few... we just keep loving, because He loved us and He put that love in us and around us and it comes through us and flows out of us, it isn't always easy and it takes work sometimes, but it is always there if we choose it, not just one day a year, but everyday.....true love.
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
Posted by
Victoria
comments (1)
It started with a simple question..."Mommy, can I paint my nightstand purple?"
Purple? I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Purple. I need to think about it. I will have to ask your Daddy. I am just not sure I want that table to be purple, but when I asked Jason, he just laughed and said "why not?". I guess he is right, after all it is her table now, she has had it in her room since she was born. A shelf to hide her diary, side holders to stuff stickers and papers in, and a top to hold her favorite things... a treasure box, a lava lamp, a Hello Kitty alarm clock. It is an old table, but she doesn't know that. It hasn't always been white, but she doesn't remember that. I do. Because for me this little old table that I am cleaning off and sanding down represents a memory. I am sentimental. I like old stuff, stuff with a story, stuff with a history, my history, my family's history, someones history. I love connections, pieces of the past, and being an only child and a collector means I have lots of them. I have a trunk full of mementos of my childhood. Blankets that were made by my Grandmother, clothes I wore as a baby, special toys, and handmade art. I have my Grandparents things, my great-Grandparents things, my little girls things. Little things that tell a story... my story... my daughter's story. Emma shares my sentimental gene, maybe that is why she loves the table. She knows that it used to be in her Daddy's room at his house so she gets attached. She is a keeper as well, cards people make for her, special treasures, her first stuffed toy, her rock collection... her mementos, her story. The girls and I each have our special things that represent our connection to the past, to our family, but for my husband...well... he has this table.
He isn't sentimental, he isn't really attached to things. He isn't really attached to this table. If it wasn't for me and my love of all things that remind me of a story or a connection, we probably wouldn't even have this table. My husband's parents divorced when he was a teenager. We had been dating a while, although I was not really close to his family at that point. His Mother left home and took everything with her. Everything. Now, this blog isn't really about my husband..or his family, but I was there that day...just him and I. No one else home, no one else around. The two of us, dating for only a few short months, coming home, standing in that empty house, an echo to our voices....empty.
Fast forward four years. We are getting married, moving out, moving on. I came into our marriage prepared as only a single, somewhat spoiled (although not rotten, my parents say) child could....full of stuff. My parents sent me out in the world with enough stuff to supply a small country. Furniture from my house, furniture from my Grandparents house, sheets and towels and photos. Kitchen supplies, dishes and more furniture. Hand-me-down what-nots, collections, new and old, a moving truck to carry it and a family willing to put it all up for me while I was away on a honeymoon. We came home to a fully furnished home full of memories... my memories. Jason came into our marriage as only a guy who had been living with his Father and brother for four years, in a now very basically furnished home, could... with a suitcase full of clothes and a table. This little wood table that I made him bring, that I picked out of his basement room. I don't know where it came from. A yard sale, his Grandpa's barn, a neighbor. It was old and it was dirty and it was falling apart, but it was a connection, it came from his house and I wanted him to have it with us. I sanded it. I painted it. I peeled the yuck off of it, and when I was done, it looked pretty good. A place to hold his magazines, a place to hold the remote, and a lamp. We had some other small things of his, new copies of birth certificates and paperwork. I had one photo of him as a little boy that I found in an old wrecked car in his Grandpa's backyard and some copies of photos of his Grandparents that his Grandma made for me, but for some reason I associated this little table with his childhood, whether it came from it or not, I made this table represent a memory, a connection, a story...his story...our story. It really only takes one thing to feel sentimental about and then it becomes special, a piece of your history. We all have them, those little things that remind us of home, of family, of ourselves. We all need something, to keep us grounded, humble, to remind us where we came from, and how far we have come.
Fast forward 16 more years. A new generation is now born. My Grandparents have all now passed away and my girls will never get to see them this side of Heaven, but their memory lives on, in their stories, in our mementos of them. The girls have lots of things that let them know they were loved even before they were born. The blanket that keeps Emma warm, sewn by my Grandma. The pillow handmade by my great-aunt who was blind. The rolling pin that has rolled out dough for three generations and still helps me make the best bread ever. My Grandparent's Bibles and my Mother's Bible from when she was a teenager, full of verses and notes, a legacy of following Christ, passed down to the next generation.The bracelet that my Grandfather engraved for my Grandmother to let her know he loved her,and on and on and on.
We now have other things from my Husband's family, some furniture made by his Great-Grandfather that I love, some photos and collectibles from his Grandmother. Things given to my girls. We even have a few little things that over the years, through different family members, have come back to him from his Mother, some baby shoes, a handmade baby oufit, some childhood artwork, etc. We are grateful for each of the things we have and I cherish them and share what I know about them with my girls, just like I do my stuff, but it is still that little old white table that I hold in my heart. A table that has come with us through 4 moves and 16 years, a little, old, cheap table that could have came from anywhere or nowhere. A little table that is now ready to be purple and take on a new life. A table that for my daughter holds stickers and books, crafts and a feather collection. A table that for me will always hold a special place in my heart. A reminder of all that we have been through together and most of all, a reminder of how far God has brought us and how much God has blessed us... a story...a connection...a memory.
Purple? I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Purple. I need to think about it. I will have to ask your Daddy. I am just not sure I want that table to be purple, but when I asked Jason, he just laughed and said "why not?". I guess he is right, after all it is her table now, she has had it in her room since she was born. A shelf to hide her diary, side holders to stuff stickers and papers in, and a top to hold her favorite things... a treasure box, a lava lamp, a Hello Kitty alarm clock. It is an old table, but she doesn't know that. It hasn't always been white, but she doesn't remember that. I do. Because for me this little old table that I am cleaning off and sanding down represents a memory. I am sentimental. I like old stuff, stuff with a story, stuff with a history, my history, my family's history, someones history. I love connections, pieces of the past, and being an only child and a collector means I have lots of them. I have a trunk full of mementos of my childhood. Blankets that were made by my Grandmother, clothes I wore as a baby, special toys, and handmade art. I have my Grandparents things, my great-Grandparents things, my little girls things. Little things that tell a story... my story... my daughter's story. Emma shares my sentimental gene, maybe that is why she loves the table. She knows that it used to be in her Daddy's room at his house so she gets attached. She is a keeper as well, cards people make for her, special treasures, her first stuffed toy, her rock collection... her mementos, her story. The girls and I each have our special things that represent our connection to the past, to our family, but for my husband...well... he has this table.
He isn't sentimental, he isn't really attached to things. He isn't really attached to this table. If it wasn't for me and my love of all things that remind me of a story or a connection, we probably wouldn't even have this table. My husband's parents divorced when he was a teenager. We had been dating a while, although I was not really close to his family at that point. His Mother left home and took everything with her. Everything. Now, this blog isn't really about my husband..or his family, but I was there that day...just him and I. No one else home, no one else around. The two of us, dating for only a few short months, coming home, standing in that empty house, an echo to our voices....empty.
Fast forward four years. We are getting married, moving out, moving on. I came into our marriage prepared as only a single, somewhat spoiled (although not rotten, my parents say) child could....full of stuff. My parents sent me out in the world with enough stuff to supply a small country. Furniture from my house, furniture from my Grandparents house, sheets and towels and photos. Kitchen supplies, dishes and more furniture. Hand-me-down what-nots, collections, new and old, a moving truck to carry it and a family willing to put it all up for me while I was away on a honeymoon. We came home to a fully furnished home full of memories... my memories. Jason came into our marriage as only a guy who had been living with his Father and brother for four years, in a now very basically furnished home, could... with a suitcase full of clothes and a table. This little wood table that I made him bring, that I picked out of his basement room. I don't know where it came from. A yard sale, his Grandpa's barn, a neighbor. It was old and it was dirty and it was falling apart, but it was a connection, it came from his house and I wanted him to have it with us. I sanded it. I painted it. I peeled the yuck off of it, and when I was done, it looked pretty good. A place to hold his magazines, a place to hold the remote, and a lamp. We had some other small things of his, new copies of birth certificates and paperwork. I had one photo of him as a little boy that I found in an old wrecked car in his Grandpa's backyard and some copies of photos of his Grandparents that his Grandma made for me, but for some reason I associated this little table with his childhood, whether it came from it or not, I made this table represent a memory, a connection, a story...his story...our story. It really only takes one thing to feel sentimental about and then it becomes special, a piece of your history. We all have them, those little things that remind us of home, of family, of ourselves. We all need something, to keep us grounded, humble, to remind us where we came from, and how far we have come.
Fast forward 16 more years. A new generation is now born. My Grandparents have all now passed away and my girls will never get to see them this side of Heaven, but their memory lives on, in their stories, in our mementos of them. The girls have lots of things that let them know they were loved even before they were born. The blanket that keeps Emma warm, sewn by my Grandma. The pillow handmade by my great-aunt who was blind. The rolling pin that has rolled out dough for three generations and still helps me make the best bread ever. My Grandparent's Bibles and my Mother's Bible from when she was a teenager, full of verses and notes, a legacy of following Christ, passed down to the next generation.The bracelet that my Grandfather engraved for my Grandmother to let her know he loved her,and on and on and on.
We now have other things from my Husband's family, some furniture made by his Great-Grandfather that I love, some photos and collectibles from his Grandmother. Things given to my girls. We even have a few little things that over the years, through different family members, have come back to him from his Mother, some baby shoes, a handmade baby oufit, some childhood artwork, etc. We are grateful for each of the things we have and I cherish them and share what I know about them with my girls, just like I do my stuff, but it is still that little old white table that I hold in my heart. A table that has come with us through 4 moves and 16 years, a little, old, cheap table that could have came from anywhere or nowhere. A little table that is now ready to be purple and take on a new life. A table that for my daughter holds stickers and books, crafts and a feather collection. A table that for me will always hold a special place in my heart. A reminder of all that we have been through together and most of all, a reminder of how far God has brought us and how much God has blessed us... a story...a connection...a memory.
